steady happy

other folks weddings: {malia & michelle}

2012-01-19T10:00:00.000-08:00

i'm thrilled to feature this gorgeous wedding that took place last year on september 25...a lovely desert wedding at the ever so fabulous ace hotel in palm springs. disclaimer: i've known malia {in suit} since the early 1990's and i'm over the moon that she found michelle, the girl for her. this relaxed, joyous wedding is full of love and fun... and i adore michelle's vintage style and yes, malia is woman who wears men's clothes...and wears them well! so get yourself a tasty beverage that reminds you of the relaxed summer vibe that this wedding emits, think sunny california desert thoughts and toast to malia and michelle!

how long were you together before you got married?

we have known each since the mid 90s but were a couple for about two years before we got married.

did you diy anything? what did you leave to vendors?

we did the save the dates ourselves...our invitations were done custom by kimberly austin at austinpress in san francisco. our beautiful flowers and the decor were done by luna at arrangements design in palm springs. both ladies were a complete treat to work with and really understood what we wanted!

tell me about the day{s}.

we got married on sept 25 2011 at the ace hotel in palm springs...we love going there year round so we thought it would be perfect to have the wedding there...lots of happy times there for us...we had about 120 friends and family from all parts of the world join...we pretty much took over the hotel for the week! it felt really special to see all our loved ones in one giant magical place. the day of the wedding was filled with swimming, eating, the ceremony, and lots of dancing and more swimming! and a ton of love!!!

how did you approach the planning process?

we have a wonderful friend heather who can arrange parties with her eyes closed!so thankfully she helped us! also taneka at the ace hotel helped with arranging everything dealing with the space and vendors and the delicious food!!!

what was important?

music!!! luckily the wonderful zach cowie lent us his talent for the night! no one wanted to stop dancing! it was awesome because the space had a private pool so people could dance and jump in the pool too. zach really took time out of his crazy music world life to understand what we wanted to dance to and it turned out perfect!

what was your favorite part of the day?
the unreal amount of love that everyone brought...sounds cheesy but it was really so sweet...

one piece of advice?

just really enjoy each part of the planning and relax on the day of...it goes by really quick!

{photographer: eyla cuenca}

{dj: zach cowie}

{flowers & decor: luna at arrangements design}

sneak peak: other folks weddings {malia & michelle}

2012-01-11T14:42:00.000-08:00

i know it's been a while, but i just got the pics and the low-down on a super lovely, loving and amazing wedding that took place at the palm springs ace hotel last september...can't wait to share it with you all...

{photo credit: eyla cuenca}

what does a crunchy mama mean?

2012-01-04T15:59:00.000-08:00

i'll post a holiday round up post soon...beatrice *loved* her kitchen...it was a real hit! best $85 i've spent in a while...

lately i've been obsessing over babywearing... i began wearing beatrice very early on and i have a few different carriers, but lately i've been wanting more. i've been spending time on various babywearing boards and have realized that it's a vast and diverse community. and it's a community...there are so many women {and some men} out there, but it's still not very mainstream. unfortunately, the norm is still those very uncomfortable baby bjorns...

and with every community, there is definitely diversity...but many babywearing mamas fall into the crunchy mama realm: natural birth, cloth diapering, babywearing, AP, non-vaxing, co-sleeping, eating organic, respecting the child, gentle parenting, etc. i consider myself very crunchy, i definitely do all of the above, except the non-vaxing {my decision to vax is another, long post...}. i'm pretty on the hippie side and i also fall on the liberal side. my experience of "hippie" coming from the san francisco bay area {haight ashbury, berkeley, etc} has been that hippie or crunchy equals liberal. well not so much in the mama-hood world...

i'm finding that many of the mamas on the boards are pretty conservative socially and quite religious. there is definitely a faction of mormon mamas who are very crunchy. and i have to admit: this is a bit unsettling for me sometimes...it definitely puts me on guard a little bit when i'm posting or on the forums. i find myself using the partner word but avoiding the she pronoun for fear of being judged.

however, i know that by withholding information and assuming that i will be judged, that i'm the one doing the judging...i'm the one judging them and assuming that their views will not be accepting of me. what would that say to my daughter? don't be yourself, for fear of being judged? that's certainly not a message i want to send her. so in order to practice my philosophy of leading by example, i'm working on acceptance on my part...

{photo of me wearing bea at an outfest fundraising event}

scary santa...

2011-12-19T11:16:00.000-08:00

this year, patty really wanted to get a picture of beatrice with santa claus. saturday at the farmers market, a preschool that is on our list of favorites called cottage enrichment, was doing a fundraiser by taking santa pictures. win-win! we get to donate to a great preschool, support our community and avoid the mall! hooray....well, not so much. beatrice was not having it. since we hang out at the farmers market, we let her watch a few other kids get their picture taken, so she could see what it was all about...she just watched, wide-eyed as kids eagerly bounded up to santa to tell him their wishes. there was a set of sisters, maybe five and three, and the three year old was a little scared. her big sister held her hand and the photographer and her parents made her laugh. crisis averted...no tears...

when it was our turn, we went up to santa and beatrice held on to me for dear life, so we decided to sit with her to see if she was ok with it. before we even sat down, the photographers played with her for a little bit and got a few smiles out of her...so we thought let's try it! well, sure enough, she started crying...lots of folks were trying to make her smile, including us {hence the silly, happy faces we are making...}. but in the end, it was just too much.

usually, beatrice isn't afraid of anything. in fact, she really doesn't have "stranger danger," and it almost concerns me, as i would like for her to have a healthy weariness of strangers. she's also been in the presence of yo gabba gabba characters twice and it didn't faze her at all...so we were a little surprised that santa was what scared her...

and although this is one of those holiday traditions we hope our kids enjoy, i want to respect beatrice and not force things on her. she's her own person and i respect her cues. did i cross the line with the santa pictures? did i ignore her cues and disrespect her by trying to get the picture for us and the grandparents? maybe, yes...

patty has been taking beatrice to a RIE playgroup, and while i don't subscribe to every tenant of that philosophy, i love their emphasis on respecting the child and having patience with them and respecting their learning path. so while we got the picture, maybe this isn't one of my shining parenting moments...and that's ok. live and learn...i know i'm bound to make many mistakes...

but this has definitely got me thinking about the whole notion of santa. i feel very strongly about not lying to beatrice, but i also really want her to cultivate a sense of wonder, imagination and magic. and these holiday traditions can do that...obviously, beatrice is too young now to understand the magic of santa... but stories like santa and other fairy tales allow for that. but if santa is not something she buys into, i want to respect that and allow her to find magic in her own way.

so...will our family celebrate santa? we'll see, only time will tell...but, honestly, i would really love to avoid the dark side that santa inspires: the consumerism, the frantic feelings and the "gimme" attitude...in fact, usually over the holidays i tell family and friends to donate to my favorite charity rather than buying me a gift...and every year, we usually donate toys to children's hospital and try to give back in other ways, like making lunches for the homeless on christmas day. does it have to be either/or? no, i think we can have fun with santa but also cultivate a sense of helping and giving back, too...

maybe we'll create our own holiday family tradition that is fun and magical and inspires beatrice to donate her time to others and be grateful for what she has...something involving fairies?!

we got the {off}beat...

2011-12-12T11:26:00.000-08:00

clearly, beatrice will have music in her life and will be able to keep a beat...but is her family {offbeat} because she has two moms? of course it is...but of course it is perfectly normal too. we are the new normal...

yes, admittedly, beatrice's beginnings are a little different {offbeat?} than most...and i'm thrilled to have a guest post over at offbeat mama today, where you can read all about it. thank goodness for offbeat mama, where stories like ours can be heard! hurrah!

i love craigslist...

2011-12-08T13:25:00.000-08:00

i have literally furnished our entire home with craigslist or flea market finds...so i was so excited to find a used wood kitchen for beatrice on craigslist! it's a $200 kitchen new, but i snagged it from a lovely hippie family in the canyon for only $85...

we are not going crazy with christmas gifts for bea...first of all, she's too young to really get into the whole thing and secondly, and more importantly, i really don't want to make christmas and the holidays so consumer and gift focused for her. so we are going to get her one nice present for "under the tree" and since it's used, it's even better! pre-loved from a sweet hippie family...so it's got good vibes to boot!

recipe {baby nuggets}

2011-11-22T14:22:00.000-08:00

beatrice loves feeding herself. she never really took to purees, even early on. so i started out with baby led weaning...giving her chunks of food that she can handle and letting her eat it with her hands. that said, she didn't really "get into solids" until about 10 months or so...and it wasn't really until her first birthday that the solid food eating really took off...

so most food i feed her is finger food, or something that she can pick up. lots of pasta, steamed veggies, etc. however, her favorite food is what we call "baby nuggets." basically, i find any good veggie patty recipe and instead of making patties, i roll into small little balls that are perfect for her small grip...she LOVES them. {mamas and papas love them too, so it's a nice food for everyone on the go!}

this is her favorite recipe, by far, adapted from my favorite non-dairy, calcium rich collection of recipes called calci-yum!

{sweet potato mini nuggets}

preheat oven to 350 degrees

makes about 50 nuggets

cookie sheet, lightly oiled

{i bake half the dough and freeze the other half for later}

1/2 cup cooked chickpeas, rinsed and drained

4 medium sweet potatoes

1/2 tbsp olive oil

1 onion, finely chopped

2 cups finely chopped chinese lettuce {i use bok choy, spinach or kale as a substitute if i can't find chinese lettuce}

1 red bell pepper, seeded and finely chopped

4 cloves garlic, minced {optional, depending on baby's tolerance, but bea loves it}

2 tsp salt

1/4 dried oregano

2 cups rolled oats

1/2 cup wheat germ

1/3 cup whole wheat flour {i also use oat flour instead sometimes}

3/4 cup bread crumbs {sometimes i mix in flax or dehydrated kale too}

1. in a bowl using potato masher or food processor, mash chickpeas to a rough paste. set aside.

2. pierce sweet potatoes with a fork; wrap in foil and bake in preheated oven for 1-1/2 hours or until soft. remove skin and mash together with cooked chickpeas.

3. in a non-stick skillet with lid, heat oil over medium. add onion and chinese lettuce {or kale or spinach, whatever you have on hand!}; saute for 3 minutes. add pepper, garlic, salt and oregano. cover and cook until vegetables are soft, about 3 minutes. transfer to sweet potato/chickpea mixture, along with rolled oats, wheat germ and flour. mix until well combined. let cool.

4. with slightly wet hands, roll into 1 inch balls, roll in breadcrumb mixture and place on oiled cookie sheet.

5. bake for about 15-20 minutes.

{photo by patty}

mamas who inspire {heidi cicero}

2011-11-18T14:04:00.000-08:00

well, now that i'm back in the work force and ignoring this blog, i thought i'd feature a mama who really inspired me to stay at home with beatrice as long as possible! i love heidi's story for many reasons: she's so fun and inspired with her child and really creates a sense of wonder and play...oliver is such a great kid and their family is so much fun...i mean they call themselves the chicken family and do a family dress up day as star wars characters! how can you not love them...

she also never thought she wanted to have kids, so to see her really take on the mama role with all her heart is so inspiring. we've had many conversations about how important it is to make time for your kids and what priorities are with a family. although i've joined the ranks of working mamas for now, i know i'll be a stay at home mama again and heidi's immersion in that role is so inspiring...

heidi and i also spoke about feminism before i posted this...she was nervous about the way she portrays her role as a 1950's housewife...and you know, i think that's feminism too!! feminism to me is making your own choices and loving your life and your role. and heidi does that with gusto!

have you always wanted to be a mama?

I never thought I was going to be a mama. I was really happy being crazy auntie Mame in rhinestone caftans, and then I fell so in love with my sisters little girl Lily and we decided we would be crazy not to have a little chicken.

tell me about your kid(s).

My amazing husband Andy and I have one boy named Olivio Kukui Cicero. We call him Oliver. It's difficult to explain how incredible he is. He is kind and generous, loving and hysterically funny. Smart and and far more patient than me. I love looking at the world through his creative eyes. He is constantly teaching me to be a better person. Oliver is a super cool kid who can hang with the little ones or hold a stimulating conversation with the grown ups at the party (especially if the topic is Star Wars). The big six year old just walked into the room and he wants me to tell you his favorite color is green and his favorite animal is a rhino and that he is going to be a director. I think the Tim Burton exhibit made a very big impression on him. Once we decided to get preggers it happened super fast.

what does stay at home mama mean to you? do you miss your working life?

Does any mama really stay home ? I am a glorified chauffeur between school, Karate and hangout's with his friends and mine. Sometimes I feel like I'm just as busy now as I was when I was working full time. I have a few clients that I dress and I'm starting a personal styling / costuming service for events, halloween, and theme parties. Because every woman or man deserves to be fabulous even if they're not a celebrity. I think everyone secretly likes to dress up, but not everyone loves to shop or has the time to find the perfect ensemble. That's where I come in. I kind of fancy myself a 1950's/60's housewife, somewhere between Lucy and Laura Petrie (from the Dick van Dyke show). I know

I will get a lot of flack for admitting this ( my sister in law is the editor for Ms. magazine.) I can't help it though. I love being a mama and taking care of my family. I'm super happy when I can greet my man in the door way with a cool libation after a hard day at work wearing the perfect pink frock and cha cha heels. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in my own John Waters movie . I also appreciate how lucky I am that I don't have to work so I really like to pull my weight around the house.

what's your favorite thing about being a mama? how is your life different?
I think my favorite part of being a mama is when Oliver looks up at me with those big brown eyes and says the magic words :" I love you Mama." It's funny It feels sometimes like my life is the same but nothing is the same.

does alone time exist for you? how do you take care of yourself? what inspires you?
During the school year I have lot's of alone time to do my projects and errands. I am very inspired by mom's who find the happy balance in life. My own parents were very supportive when I was a kid, even when I announced at the age of 7 that I wanted to be an actress like my older sisters. They always told me you could make anything happen. I think in order to be a terrific healthy mama today you need to have some projects or outlets that make you as an individual really happy. I think that is so important. We teach our kids to be creative individuals and if they aren't seeing you be one, well you get it. We decided to go with the motto: "one and done." Although I had a really easy pregnancy , Oliver chose not to sleep regular hours for the first two years of his life. He was like a little cute vampire sleeping during the day and not at night. So needless to say I was walking around like a zombie. Honestly, I love our decision. We went from having no kids to having the most beautiful loving boy. You can't beat that!

do you ever think you will return to the workforce?
Hmm maybe I will go back to acting and star in Oliver's first film.

and the band played on for diane...

2011-09-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

a good friend of patty's lost her battle with breast cancer this weekend. she was only 31. and while i didn't know diane very well, this loss seems especially profound...diane was such a sweet and caring soul. i always looked forward to her posts on facebook, as inevitably there were pictures of her in all her vintage fashion glory. she ran a magazine about vintage fashion called zelda and also threw fabulous vintage parties called wit's end.

we saw her last in march, when we were in new york for the hit so hard premiere. she was in amazing spirits and health, and one would never know she was sick...i honestly thought she was in remission and had it "beat." i'm so grateful we made time to see her while we were in new york as she was a good friend to patty...

my heart goes out to her boyfriend, friends and family...i especially can't imagine what her mother is going through now...experiencing the loss of one's child, whether six or thirty-one...i don't even have the words...

with all the breast cancer awareness and charities, it just seems simply mind boggling that we lose such young and vivacious souls to this disease...

so please send love & light diane's way and cherish your loved ones...

steady as she grows {one year}...a little late!

2011-09-23T12:45:00.000-07:00

so this post is about a week late...beatrice turned one year on sept thirteenth...we had a picnic birthday party for her in the park at the silver lake rec center...lots of her little friends came and my aunt, who is a children's librarian read stories & lead us all in rhymes and songs. we made cute bee puppets as party favors and i made her a bee birthday crown...it was a really sweet day!

beatrice is really coming into her own...she is walking, babbling and developing her own preferences. she's picked up a few signs: milk, dog, more and all done. she definitely has a sweet tooth like her mama...those crumbs you see on one of the pictures are from the banana muffin "cupcakes" i made for her party. she still hasn't had any sugar other than fruit and molasses {iron rich!}...so those muffins were sweetened with molasses, applesauce and bananas, all of which she loves. fruit is definitely her favorite...i'm working on making sure she gets the vitamins she needs from her food and making lots of things like small balls out of sweet potatoes with veggies and other goodies inside. she loves to hold them and eat them herself. she doesn't like me feeding her, but isn't quite able to feed herself with a spoon or fork, so the little balls she can hold work great. {i'll post some recipes soon.}

she is fast...she loves running about and exploring! she's also getting more cuddly and likes to sit in our laps for a book. but not for long, she's off and running after a few pages usually! she loves music and has started dancing! she also loves going to drum and music circles...she loves shoes {yeah, like mother like daughter} and often insists on putting her shoes on when she's playing at home. her laugh is contagious and she is quick to smile, flashing her two teeth on top and two teeth on the bottom. she's very social and at play groups rarely looks for mama...she is off and exploring and socializing!

now...the big reason for the delay in posting: i went back to work. i while back, i posted about staying home with beatrice and my struggle with that. again, i chose to stay home with beatrice, and to me feminism is all about choice. unfortunately, going back to work wasn't entirely by choice...it was definitely out of financial necessity. now, here's to say there aren't many positives to going back to work. my main concern was beatrice, obviously. since we try to adhere to the attachment parenting {ap}philosophy, i really thought it was important that her main caregiver was one of her parents. i know that ap is possible with a working parent, but i felt very strongly about having a parent with her at least until she goes to pre-school. so we decided to swap: i'm going back to work and patty is staying at home with beatrice.

this was a huge struggle for me. i mean, i *live* for being a mom. i love staying home with her, taking her to play dates, cooking for her, washing her diapers, all of it. so the thought of going back to work and leaving her for a significant part of the day was heart wrenching. on top of it, i'm still breastfeeding. obviously, since she's one, it's not her main source of nutrition, but she loves it...and i do, too. so i'm working out a schedule where i can work from home a few days a week, and on the days i go to the office, patty brings bea out during the day so we can have a mid-day nursing session. thankfully where a work is a beautiful ranch in the santa monica mountains {even though it's a long drive}, it's a nice place for beatrice to play and frolic among the wildlife...

here's the one thing that made this decision easier: patty wanted to stay home with beatrice and have a chance to bond with her. only good things can come from that! she can go to all the parenting classes that i got to go to, she can meet beatrice's play mates, she can learn to wear beatrice on her back and take her on walks, she can bond with beatrice and she can see what being a stay-at-home mom is all about. a friend said to me: "you are demonstrating to beatrice that your relationship is a true partnership and cooperative family." i love that idea that because we are both primary care-givers, beatrice will understand the idea of cooperation and partnership.

so...it's still hard...only been a week...and there are definitely going to be hiccups! but just these few days have taught me to focus on the positive and let go and let things happen the way they are meant to happen...beatrice will be fine...she'll be better than fine, in fact, because she is loved. we are providing her with consistent and loving care and maximizing the her bond with both her parents.

happy three year wedding anniversary...

2011-08-30T21:32:00.000-07:00

it's today...and yes, i'm posting at 9:30pm at night, but it's the first time i've been able to sit at the computer for a while!

i can't believe we got married three years ago! it seems like a lifetime ago {in a good way}! whether legal or not, i want beatrice to know that her parents are married, that they love and respect each other...and are committed to each other in sickness and health...we take care of ourselves and each other so we can better take care of her...

happy anniversary, patty...here's to many more...

it's about time...

2011-08-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

the butch clothing company. but why not in the US yet? someone help the butches suit up!

steady as she grows {eleven months}

2011-08-19T14:05:00.000-07:00

ok...so i wasn't able to feature a mama this week...like i said, mamas are busy!! i have some lined up, though so don't fret...your mama inspiration is coming!

i haven't done a steady as she grows post in a while...well frankly, because she was growing! i have a really hard time sitting down at the computer while she is awake and when she's napping, i feel like i have one million other things i need to do like pay bills {er, and check twitter}...

but beatrice turned eleven months on the thirteenth...almost a year! i can't believe it. she's walking...she's been really leading up to it for a while, on her eleven month birthday, she just started favoring walking over crawling. sometimes if she's *really* impatient, she'll crawl because she can get to what she's after so much faster! she's also super talkative...blah blah blah...do do do...ma ma ma...all day long. it's really sweet.

she's beginning to like solids a bit more, after a pretty slow start. but she still nurses like a champ. to make sure she gets enough iron, i basically put blackstrap molasses in anything sweet {like her morning oatmeal} and spinach in anything savory {today she had beans & brown rice mixed with pureed spinach}. speaking of sweet, i still haven't given her any sugar, per se. she has molasses, like i mentioned, but that has nutritional value as far as i'm concerned...but i'm holding out on the sugar or sweeteners as long as possible. she loves fruit, and enjoys that {strawberries and plums are her favorite}, but no juice...the juice just seems too sweet without any benefit {like fiber in the whole fruits}...

for her first birthday, i'm thinking i'll just make some banana bread or something similar that i can sweeten with just applesauce or bananas...

we've been going to a fun music class called family song, that's where the first couple of pics were taken...of course while she was sporting her rock'n'roll camp for girls onesie!! and we also just went to a friend's one year birthday! many of her friends are starting to turn one...it's so wild! she's coming up on one so soon...

so we're about to start another amazing weekend...farmer's market and maybe a trip to a farm where our tomatoes come from...any weekend spent with beatrice is sure to be amazing...i'll report back!

happy friday, lovelies!

all i do is tag hippie wedding dresses...

2011-08-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

an amazing hippie wedding dress if you wanted to get married at magic hour on the beach...

{photo credit: girl on a vine on etsy}

if it's ok for sesame street, it's ok for any street...

2011-08-17T09:00:00.001-07:00

i came across this in another post about a woman who was ousted from a woman's gym to "spare the children." so frustrating...if anyone should see mamas feeding their babies, it's other children...

how awesome is sesame street?

mamas who inspire me {jillian lauren}

2011-08-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

i was hoping to feature a mama a week, but mamas are well...busy! although i've asked several mamas to participate, i knew that this might not be a weekly feature! so i was thrilled to find a reply from my friend jillian lauren. i've known jillian for a long time, but it wasn't until motherhood that we really got to know each other...jillian was a mama before i was, so i was able to watch her amazing journey unfold before we took our first steps towards having a child...

ever since i was young, i always thought adoption would be my way to motherhood...and although i gave birth to beatrice, i still feel that adoption is a beautiful and amazing gift and it could definitely be a way for us to continue to grow our family. so jillian's story is especially inspiring to me as an adoptee and an adoptive mother. jillian is a ridiculously talented woman and wicked smart. i love that she is brutally honest about motherhood...the ups and downs...that means so much to me. i am constantly striving for perfection, but in motherhood that's not possible. what wonderful gifts jillian is able to give her son: love, honesty, humility and compassion. and what a wonderful motherhood inspiration she is for us...

have you always wanted to be a mama?

Yes! But I definitely went through some dark times in my life when I doubted that I'd ever be able to pull it off. It took me longer than most people for me to really feel like I could properly care for myself. As soon as I had a basic handle on that, I knew I was ready for my family to grow.

how many kids do you have? tell me about him?

I have one son named Tariku Moon. He's 3 1/2 and he's already gunning for world domination. This kid is a force of nature. I generally end my days weeping with exhaustion. He loves rock music and airplanes and dance parties and anything fast and dangerous. Come to think of it, I could describe his dad with that same sentence...

tell me about your adoption story.

Scott and I tried to get pregnant for years and it got to a point where I was at a crossroads. I didn't want to continue down the road of fertility treatments and medical intervention. I just couldn't do it to my body anymore. I was adopted as a newborn and adoption has always been something I was interested in doing, so looking into it seemed like the next logical step. I met a woman who had adopted a child from Ethiopia and as soon as I looked at her photo album I just knew on some metaphysical level that my child was there.

I did a bunch of research and read everything I could get my hands on and then Scott and I began the adoption process. it took about two years from the time we started to the day we got on a plane to Ethiopia to pick up our son. It was the most frustrating and wonderful and painful and incredible and mind-blowing time of my life. Until now that is. Motherhood blows it out of the water on all those fronts.

how do you balance your work/life load?

That's the million dollar question. I guess I never seem to find a satisfactory balance. There aren't enough hours in the day to be the kind of mom and the kind of artist I want to be. But both parenting and making art are such integral parts of who I am that I'm willing to keep banging my head against the wall trying to find that ever-elusive balance.

what is your favorite thing about being a mama? how is your life different?

My favorite thing about being a mama is my son's laugh. I've never had moments of such pure joy as when we're collapsing with laughter together. My other favorite thing about being a mama is how much I surprise myself every day- both in the ways I succeed and in the ways I fail and am forced to try again.

How is my life different? How is my life not different? Absolutely everything about my life has been transformed by motherhood. Even the things that aren't obvious. The lens through which I look at the world has been profoundly altered.

does "alone time" exist for you? how do you take care of yourself?

Alone time does exist for me. I insist on it. Scott is a musician, so when he's out of town it's definitely harder. But usually his one-on-one time with Tariku is in the morning, so I'll use those hours to go exercise- to go for a run or a hike and just let the early morning quiet sink in. I also try to get to the occasional yoga or dance class- not as regularly as I'd like, but I take what I can get and it makes such a difference.

tell me about your job? how does it affect you as a mother? and how does motherhood affect your work?

I'm a writer and a performer and I think that in some ways it's a great job to have as a parent and in others it feels practically impossible. I often work from home, so I get to see T during the day- have lunch with him or give him a kiss when he takes a nap. I wouldn't trade it, but it can be hard to work with a toddler screaming for you at the bottom of the stairs. But he's used to it by now and so am I!

When I'm performing it's harder because it impinges on our evening hours together and I feel like that's generally the time when we're most connected. But it only ever happens in short bursts. The up side of being in the arts is that when Scott and I are around, we're around more than most parents with normal jobs. And when I have down time, I make sure to spend almost all of it with him. I have very little social life and that's fine with me.

who/what inspires you as a mother?

I am inspired by my mom friends and other mom bloggers (like you!) every day. I think that our honesty and openness with each other as moms is such an essential component of feeling connected and staving off the loneliness. I'm particularly inspired these days by other moms who are fighting to make good creative work and to get it out there in the world.

what other projects do you have besides work & family?

I don't really have any other projects! I've been knitting the same dog sweater for three years. I guess I have waves of being into cooking and gardening, but those things fall by the wayside more often than not.

tell me about a typical day in your life.

I usually wake before the boys and slip out to run or do a quick early-morning yoga class. Then it's back for breakfast and the morning get-ready routine, which can seem like it takes anywhere from 15 minutes to about 12 hours on a bad day. Then I write from 9-4 and take over with Tariku after nap. We go to the park or ride bikes or jump on the trampoline. Anything to try to wear him out and insure a reasonable bedtime (good luck with that). Then it's dinner, bath, books, bed. We've got a real rock and roll lifestyle around here.

wanna find out more about jillian:
website

twitter

blog

today mom contributor

the nest contributor

music mondays {rock and roll camp for girls part ii}

2011-08-08T10:46:00.000-07:00

this is so cute & amazing! i laughed and ok, i got a little teary...

{credit here}

oh the people you'll meet...

2011-08-04T16:18:00.000-07:00

this week is world breastfeeding week....so why do i have a picture of beatrice and patty with yo gabba gabba you might ask? well, rather than post about the benefits of breastfeeding and how much it has bonded me with beatrice, i'm going to take a lighter approach...since there are numerous beautiful posts about breastfeeding {i'll share some links at the end}, i thought i'd relay my favorite funny breastfeeding story...

a few months back, we volunteered at the pablove valentines day event for kids. this organization is near and dear to our hearts, so we really wanted to participate. since beatrice was only five months old, i wore her in my moby wrap and was able to work the silent auction. at the time, i hadn't quite mastered feeding her while carrying her, so when i needed to breastfeed, i would just pull up a chair or sit on the floor, but it wasn't really comfortable. our friend jeff, the president and founder of pablove said: "this is a kid's event! we should have a breastfeeding area for mamas...next time, we'll set up an area with comfy couches...but in the meantime, would you like to sit in the dressing room on the couch?" he wasn't trying to "hide" a nursing mother...he was just trying to make me more comfortable...

so back to the dressing room i went...and guess who was getting dressed?!? the characters from yo gabba gabba! now, beatrice doesn't even watch tv, but patty & i are huge fans {well, especially patty!}...when we took care of our friend jorjee's daughter, maude, she really got us hooked! so, when beatrice does finally watch some tv, i'm sure it will be yo gabba gabba!

now i'm not going to tell you what went on in that dressing room, as i'm sure that would violate some trade secrets! let's just say it was fun, fun, fun! but the point i'm really trying to make here is...breastfeeding can take you places, open doors, provide a great topic of conversation, etc...

one more fun reason to breastfeed your baby: you never know where it will take you!

here are some great links and organizations that promote breastfeeding:

la leche league is a great resource for breastfeeding moms...look up a local chapter for great support meetings!
live in the los angeles area? the pump station has great support groups and classes! the support classes were a lifesaver for me. they really helped us get our breastfeeding off to a great start.
great online community of breastfeeding mamas, check out the leaky boob and like them on facebook.
best for babes provides valuable resources and studies about breastfeeding benefits for mama and baby.
unfortunately mothering magazine is no more, but their website and forums are a great place for information and support.

do you have a breastfeeding story or resource to share?

{photo by jennifer hamilton}

mamas who inspire me {jorjee douglass}

2011-08-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

i've been wanting to start a little series about mamas who inspire me...inspiration comes in so many forms, from so many places: mamas i know in "real life," mamas from around the blogosphere, straight mamas, queer mamas, single mamas, married mamas, working mamas, stay at home mamas, work from home mamas, ap mamas, crunchy mamas, adoptive mamas, birth mamas, butch mamas, older mamas, younger mamas...i take some inspiration from across the board...i look to those who have joined the mama club before me for guidance and support...so i wanted to find out more about motherhood from them and share some of these women with you...

first up is one of my best friends....i've known jorjee douglass since the early 90's when we both lived in san francisco, rummaging through thrift stores, going to rock shows, and enjoying the pre-dot-com wild, artsy and free frontier that it was. now that we have both found ourselves in los angeles, i'm not sure how jorjee even found time to respond to me...she wears so many hats: wife, mama, make-up artist to the stars, a founding member of the citizen's band, singer/songwriter, fashion icon, blogger...but i remember when she told me she was pregnant and how excited i was...she was probably one of my first friends to have a baby and somehow that made it seem more real for me...jorjee, being one of the most creative and fun people i know, is one of those mamas that brings love, light, magic and humor to her family and to everyone she meets.

have you always known you wanted to be a mama?
yes! i have always known i'd be a mama, but coming from an overly large family of eight, i always thought i would adopt a child. i used to dream of being adopted and treated like a queen. i never had the urge to have my own until it was almost too late--i was 40!

{jorjee eight months pregnant performing with the citizen's band}

tell me about your kids.

i have one girl. she just turned four. her name is maude mary feathers boddie. i can't just tell you about her without making this 100 pages long! she is the smartest lady i know! i love her and respect her so much, and that's just putting it mildly! i wish i were her...ha ha, i don't really, but i'm just blown away by her awesomeness daily!

{maude, at two years old, following in her mamas footsteps painting pretty faces}

how did you find out you were pregnant?

while i was at work. i lived in new york at the time, but i was on a job in los angeles {payless shoes commercial!} and i could just tell! it went something like this: "i think i'm preggers i'm gonna go buy a test at cvs on the way to work" and i did. when i had a break, i walked across the street and took the test in the public bathroom at peet's coffee. positive!

since you are a working mama, how do you balance your work/life load?

i don't really balance it...i live like a junkie, i fill myself up as much as i can with my daughter and family when i have time off and don't see that much of my friends, that's my trade off. but i have great quality time with maude. when i work the days are 12-14 hours so it gets hard! i try to arrange for her to come to set after school so we can hang out for at least an hour.

what is your favorite thing about being a mama?

i'm not really doing anything that differently...i think i've always been a mama!

does "alone time" exist for you? how do you take care of yourself?

i go to a korean spa and soak every few months...i stay up late and watch bad tv or i get up before everyone else in the house.

tell me about your job? how does it affect you as a mother?

i'm a make-up artist, so my daughter looks pretty all the time! {laughs!}

who/what inspires you as a mama?

maude inspires me and her future well being. come to think of it, i'm very inspired by my sister-in-law, liz. she can do everything and does it in an awesome witchy way. hello glitter play doh!

what other projects do you have besides work & family?

i am a founding member of the citizen's band, a performance troupe in new york...i also write things...and i've just started a hippie band collective with my husband and your wife called canyon people...we're making honest dirty rock'n'roll for all with a rotating cast of guest star characters!

wanna find out more about jorjee:
twitter
make up ghost blog
hello giggles contributor

eco friendly wood toys...

2011-08-02T17:49:00.000-07:00

of course, before i had beatrice, i had visions that she would only be clothed in pure organic clothing and play with eco friendly safe toys....well, that's not really a reality. most of her clothes are organic, and most of her toys are eco-friendly and safe...but i've been so fortunate to receive many hand-me-downs {which of course are green since they are being re-used and re-loved!}, but many of those items have been plastic or made with other materials...and guess what, beatrice *loves* plastic toys...what's an eco friendly mama to do? honestly, let it go...

but, when i do buy her toys, i do try to stick to wood, made in the usa, non-toxic paint and the like...i know i can't protect her from all toxins, but i do the best i can. so i was really excited to see one of my favorite eco toy makers, wonderworld, on a zulily sale! i've wanted to get her a cute stacker and a little push toy...our ped isn't thrilled about walkers, but i thought this little push toy she might enjoy...

the sale is only on for a couple more days, but go check it out!

music mondays {rock and roll camp for girls}

2011-08-01T14:37:00.000-07:00

this past week, patty has been teaching drums to girls at the rock & roll camp for girls...she is so passionate about this. it's an amazing program that teaches girls about being in a band...everything from how to play their instrument to how to silk screen their band t-shirts. music being a fairly male dominated field, i think this is so inspiring! girls are so often taught be quiet and polite, and rocking out is the opposite!! girls also often lack the self-esteem necessary to really put themselves out there...and i love what the rock camp is doing...really giving girls the tools necessary and the confidence to play and perform music. their tagline is "empowering girls through music education."

adult women instructors teach the girls for one week, and then at the end of the week they have a showcase so all the bands can perform. this year, patty had her friend linda perry come down to perform and give a song writing workshop...it was really powerful...the girls were blown away!

i didn't get to see the showcase, unfortunately {sleeping baby & rock show don't go so well together!}, but i was there when the show ended and got to see the beaming parents and thrilled kids exit the venue...there were so many smiles and proud moments and kid after kid with their moms came up to patty & the other instructors and told them what an amazing opportunity the camp was for them...

what an fantastic program to support the esteem-building and empowerment of young women! they also offer adult ladies camps if you are in the los angeles area that help fund scholarships for girls to go to camp. be sure to like them on facebook and follow them on twitter to find out when the next camp is and how you can help!

{photo credit here}

music mondays...well sort of...

2011-07-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

hmmm...will bea follow in patty's footsteps?? this was taken a few weekends ago at a friend's two year birthday party...

recipe {milk enhancing granola bars}

2011-07-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

oats...they are great for milk production, at least in my case. i eat oatmeal every morning and i make these a lot. i got this recipe from a twitter friend...the original recipe is here and i took my friend's amendments and added/changed a few other things...i swear every time i make and eat these, my milk production goes through the roof...i usually don't leak, but when i eat these, i leak all over the place...so much milk! plus they are *delicious*! patty always tries to eat them and i tell her "you're taking milk right out of the baby's mouth when you eat one!"...

whenever i have a friend with a new baby, i make her a batch of these...they are really great to have on hand especially during those first few weeks when mama can barely get up to make herself food!

i've used dried cherries, walnuts, pumpkin seeds, shredded coconut and dates as my "flavoring" for the bars, you can use any combo really, but i usually skip the dates... i think this combo works really well and is really good for you too! {this was the combo my friend leonora suggested to me & i think it's the best!}

molasses has iron, which is important and the coconut oil is *key*...a nursing mama should always have coconut oil on hand...i eat some everyday to help with milk production, i usually just spread it on toast for a snack...it is great for boosting your immunity to stay healthy! i also use it to massage on my hands when my eczema flares up.

ok...so i don't have a photo of the "finished product" as when i made these, they were pretty crumbly and not so pretty...but so, so good!

mix dry ingredients in one bowl:

1-2/3 cups oats

1/3 cup oat flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

3 cups dried cherries, chopped walnuts, shredded coconut & pumpkin seeds mixture

{any combo works, but i usually do 1 cup dried cherries, 1 cup chopped walnuts, 1/2 cup coconut, 1/2 pumpkin seeds, but if you have more or less it doesn't really matter, i usually just use up what i have in the pantry...and i love dates, so sometimes i throw those in too!}

mix wet ingredients in a separate bowl:

1/3 cup almond butter

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

6 tablespoons melted coconut oil

1/4 cup molasses

2 tablespoons honey {or maple syrup if vegan}

1 tablespoon water

1/3-2/3 cup agave {i use less as i don't like them as sweet}

preheat oven to 325. line an 8x8x2 pan in one direction with parchment paper, allowing it to go up the opposing sides. lightly grease the parchment paper and pan.

toss the wet ingredients in with the dry until the mixture is evenly crumbly. spread in the prepared pan, pressing firmly to ensure they are molded to the corners of the pan. i use another piece of parchment paper to lay on top so i can press down on top of it.

bake the bars for 30-40 minutes, until they are brown around the edges. cool the bars completely in their pan on a cooling rack.

once cool, use a serrated knife to cut into squares...i usually am not fussy about this...they can get pretty crumbly especially if you cut them before completely cool.

i store in a glass container in the refrigerator and just graze on them all week!

enjoy!

music mondays {sia sings hole}

2011-07-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

ok...so this is a terrible video and the guy singing along is kind of funny, but i had to post a video from the LA premiere of our movie, hit so hard. after the screening, some amazing & talented friends performed with patty...this is a video of sia covering miss world! patty & eric are playing with her...linda perry also covered violet!

it was a really fun night and i managed to go, wearing a sleeping beatrice with noise reduction headphones! i stressed out for weeks about whether i should go or not...and honestly didn't decide for sure that i was going until 15 minutes before the event...beatrice never took the bottle, so i haven't really been away from her for very long. which, honestly has really not been a problem. i'm perfectly happy staying at home with her! we have lots of fun outings during the day, so we're both pretty tired at night. so i never felt like i was "missing out" on anything...until this event. since it was the LA premiere of the movie, i really wanted to try to attend...hometown screening an all! and we also announced that the film was picked up for distribution...and on top of all that, the amazing performance. so i really felt like i'd like to attend.

i was really concerned that i was "being a bad mom" by keeping beatrice out so late...i posted on a few of my favorite attachment parenting mom groups and a few of them suggested to just bring her...wear her so i can nurse her to sleep...i also thought about having her sleep in the car with a sitter so i could just run out and nurse her if she woke up, but honestly that seemed crazy to me...i figured bea would much rather just be with me, nursing or asleep in the ergo...

but really it couldn't have worked out better. she ended up napping from 6-8pm, we left for the movie around 8:30pm and then hung out in patty's dressing room with toys...a few friends who also have kids were there visiting with us. then she fell asleep in the ergo {while i was nursing her} at about 9:30pm...i then put on her headphones and watched the performance from the side stage backstage. usually it's not as loud backstage as the speakers are facing the crowd. she slept through the whole thing! didn't even flinch...

this was a pretty big event, it takes *a lot* to get me out, so i don't think we'll try it again anytime soon...um, let's just say never...but i'm glad i went...and i guess when she's older i can tell her that she was there!

happy {hot} friday...

2011-07-08T08:16:00.000-07:00

since we live in los angeles, i accept the following truths:

1. there will always be traffic

2. it will be hot sometimes

but wow, i've been in a lot of traffic and really hot this week!! because of the heat, we've been going places with pools to cool off {annenberg community beach house, friends' houses in san gabriel valley and in san fernando valley...}, but oh! the traffic we sit in to get there and home!! but it's worth it...beatrice has had a great time in the pool...her first two pool trips weren't so successful, but by the third one at the annenberg community beach house, she was doing great! so now i really want to start swimming lessons for her...

so, have a wonderful weekend...and if you are in los angeles, stay cool!

{photo credit: brett gurewitz}

bea's garden vintage nursery...

2011-07-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

finally after nine months i'm sharing bea's little nursery with you. i've shared some of my inspiration {here & here}, and i think it came together really well, considering most everything in beatrice's nursery was a hand-me-down...i had to work with what i was given...

we inherited this dresser from a friend of patty's...it's beautiful and everytime i open one of the drawers beatrice crawls over like flash lightening and starts to pull all of her clothes out! we've been collecting little cards that i keep meaning to frame...someday...

both the dresser and the changing table top were hand-me-downs, from two different people, but they work great for our changing station. i use cloth diapers for beatrice, so i had to get some new shelves to hold them all...all her colorful diaper covers are in the drawers...i'll do a cloth diapering post soon...

we've been co-sleeping with beatrice, but in the bed in her room. this room used to be the guest room, so we just kept the bed. it was easier to co-sleep with her in her own room in the beginning, and now we just stay here....we'll probably move back to our bed soon. the cute wall decals are fabric...not vinyl...so sweet!

since we call beatrice "bea," and pronounce it "bee," we've had some really cute bee gifts...so that's become another theme in her nursery. how cute is this vintage bee costume from the 50's? i can't wait until she can wear it...

i painted the walls a super pale pink, but really wanted to bring more color and pattern in...i found these cute buntings on etsy {triangles here and liberty here}.

the beginning of the reading nook...she *loves* the piano, though. and she loves to pull all the books off the shelves...next step: actually sitting down and reading them! we read together everyday, but she's really into eating the books right now {teething baby}...

beatrice had a mobile over her changing table and for some reason she really got excited by the elephant, so we've started a little elephant collection...{both were handmade gifts}...

the crib was the first "baby" item we inherited...i wasn't thrilled about black, but now i love it. she's never slept in it though!

it's really just a resting spot for her toys and cute animals from blabla kids...organic sheets from plover organic...

sweet mobile from blabla kids as well. this mobile was one of my big splurges for the nursery...love, love, love it...

we inherited the rocker as well...i really wanted to re-cover it, but i didn't really have the money...so i just covered it with some of the many, many blankets that beatrice received. i don't use it much anymore, so i'm thinking of handing it down to someone else...sweet custom rag doll from warm sugar. this was one of my favorite purchases. she made it completely custom for me...i gave her colors and picked socks, etc. and she made the cutest doll...it's hard to see but there are even bees are the fabric! just for bea...

some details from her dresser and bookshelves...cute wooden teether from little sapling toys...the vintage planters are from a friend...i still need to put plants in them!

and finally, her "uncle" dj lance gave her a sweet picture...she's still never seen yo gabba gabba {no screens until she is two}, but she's met all the characters! patty & i are big fans and lance is a good friend of beatrice's uncle {her donor}...and remember my original nursery inspiration? well, of course he had to make it into her room...

next up: beatrice's vintage closet!

hooray!

2011-06-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

we went to frameline film festival last weekend in san francisco! it was so fun to be home in the gay mecca...and we showed at the castro...what an honor. to top it off, we got an honorable mention from the frameline jury for best doc. so beatrice says hooray!

{amazing photo by ana grillo. see more here.}

rock & roll elegance...new design company

2011-06-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

i'm doing something different for music mondays this week....i'm featuring awesome music-inspired wedding invitations.

how amazing are these invites & save the dates created by new design firm riot structure ? the save the dates are actual 45's that they re-purposed and added their own design to...and the invite harkens back to the extra cool rock posters back in the 60's & 70's...

well, design duo katie & josh designed these super cool invites for their own wedding. after they pulled off that event, they decided to make it a living & launched riot structure design firm with a third partner, mike. katie & josh just ooze style & taste...don't you want their eyes on your invites?

they have also done a rock doc {full disclosure: they did the graphics for HIT SO HARD, the documentary about patty} and album covers...they definitely take your interests into consideration when designing. for example, they did a bookmark style invite for some avid readers...

want to have your wedding invites designed by riot structure? they would like to do a creative design for an aesthetically adventurous couple. is that you? just mention steady happy and get 10% off your design fee {not printing}.

{photo credit: riot structure}

wanna wear the pants?

2011-06-24T09:00:00.000-07:00

check out my guest post at east side bride.

{photo credit: chris strother}

hippies buy used dresses

2011-06-23T09:00:00.000-07:00

for $26!! not sure why i'm on such a hippie dress kick lately, but i simply can't ignore an amazing hippie wedding dress for $26, yes you read that right: twenty-six dollars, people!

{photo credit here}

my sweet girl...

2011-06-13T09:00:00.000-07:00

beatrice turns 9 months today. i know it's music mondays, but it's also the 13th, and that's bea's birthday...

i cannot believe she is 9 months. she's been out in the world now as long as she was in my belly. she has such curiosity, wonder and awe. and, i am in awe of her. everything is new and wonderful and she goes for it with gusto. there is no holding back with beatrice. crawling like a wildfire down the hallway, nothing can stop her. she's pulling herself up to standing and balancing more and more everyday. that first step is probably closer than i'd like to admit. after a slow start on solids, she's sampling everything that is presented to her. she loves avocados, broccoli, zucchini muffins {homemade by me with no sugar, just a little molasses and homemade applesauce}, rice and beans, potatoes, lentils, swiss chard, peaches...the list goes on...

she's still breastfeeding like a champ, and we are still baby-wearing, co-sleeping and cloth diapering. staying at home with her has been the most amazing experience of my life. i am so grateful that my partner has been able to help make this happen. we've made some adjustments...but the material things don't matter, as long as we can keep her healthy, fed, and with a roof over her head, we are doing ok today.

i had no idea motherhood would be so amazing and i savor each minute of each day. thank you, beatrice for the opportunity to be your mama.

dress like a hippie...

2011-06-08T09:00:00.000-07:00

loving this dress from one of my favorite "upcycle" or recycle designers amour sans anguish...she made this dress for me. this would be awesome for a hippie or prairie bride...if a hippie decided to get married...

and it's only $225...amazing!

{photo credit here}

kids helping kids...

2011-06-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

how amazing is this kid? so inspiring to see other kids giving back to help each other! he's raising money for one of my favorite charities, the pablove foundation.

go vote for him now!

music mondays {deep dark robot}

2011-06-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

loving deep dark robot right now...and this video is pretty freaking hot. enjoy!

music mondays {the belle brigade}

2011-05-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

remember last week when i asked you what you were listening to? well, i got some awesome suggestions, among them one suggestion from my friend nicole, whose band the cold and lovely i also featured last week...

take a listen to los angeles based the belle brigade...great music, awesome name, a brother & sister duo, and the brother is a red head, to boot! love them...such good summer in los angeles tunes...makes me want to open the windows, turn up the volume and dance around with beatrice...

oh, and the video made me cry...

screens are everywhere...

2011-05-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

i've been trying to keep beatrice from seeing screens, any screens. so that means no tv, computer or iphone. and that means since i'm with beatrice most of my day, no tv, computer or iphone for me. not so easy. giving up tv was pretty easy, the only tv i've watched since beatrice was born was "mildred pierce." {omg so good...} but the computer and iphone have been much more difficult.

there are several reasons i'm trying to shield beatrice from media. the american academy of pediatrics recommends no tv before the age of 2, and no more than 2 hours of daily media exposure for ages 2 and older. exposure to television in children has been linked to sleep, attention and aggressive behavior problems, and externalizing of problem behaviors. the problem seems to be with interaction. when a child is in front of a television, they are not interacting with their parents. additionally, tv can impair the speech development of young children. under age 2, talking, singing, reading, listening to music or playing are far more important to a child's development.

so i've been really trying to avoid screens and stay engaged and interactive with beatrice. it's tough sometimes. honestly, there are days i just want to check out and read twitter all day. but if i'm going to make huge life changes in order to stay home longer with beatrice, i'd like to stay present and involved.

it's amazing how many screens are in our daily lives. at home, easy enough, we have 1 tv and 1 computer--i just switch them off. but out in the world, screens are everywhere. tv's on the bus, people looking at their laptops in the airport, etc. it's wild if you really stop to think about it, our world is dominated by screens!

the other concern for me is the cell phones and radiation. the environmental working group published a report about cell phone radiation, citing recent studies find significantly higher risks of brain and salivary gland cancers. it's tempting to use the iphone as a baby tool, there are so many applications that could be helpful....i've also tried to avoid using the phone when i'm carrying beatrice. it's not worth the risk as far as i'm concerned.

although it's early, i really love the idea of a school with no media, such as a waldorf school. i already have a lot of waldorf toys for beatrice, as i love how simple and imaginative they are. most are handmade with natural materials, such as felt and wood. so i spend my days playing with beautiful, simple toys with beatrice, going for walks in the park, attending mama & me yoga, meeting up with other mamas for playdates and wearing her while i do things around the house.

which all means i've been in a bit of a media black hole myself. after beatrice goes to sleep, i try to go online, catch up with emails, blog {ha!}, and see what's going on in the world. but honestly, 9 times out of 10, i fall asleep with beatrice and never get on the computer! so a blogging mama, not so much...

i want to spend these formative years with beatrice and encourage in her...a wild imagination, a love of nature, a spirit of gratitude, a healthy curiosity, a zest for learning and a love of life. so if limiting her exposure to media and therefore my own, will help me achieve that, then so be it...

{photo credit: waldorf rotating pictures (waldorf tv?!) from waldorf toys}

what to wear...the baby!

2011-04-28T09:00:00.000-07:00

since beatrice was about 2 weeks old, i've been wearing her...it has been one of the most amazing experiences of motherhood...i wear her when i do the laundry, shop, go for a walk, etc. it allows me to have freedom to get things done around the house while being close to her. everyday, i put beatrice in a sling and go for a walk. it's a win-win, i get exercise to work off the pregnancy weight and bea gets a nap. in fact, that's most often how beatrice naps, when she's in the carrier. here's a round-up of my baby-wearing gear:

{the moby}

my aunt gave me a moby wrap for a shower gift and i have to admit, i was a bit intimidated. it's basically a long piece of stretchy fabric. luckily, there are sling clinics at the pump station, which is a nearby baby store. once i went to a clinic to learn how to wrap it, i never looked back...it was amazing! the first time i put bea in it, she fell right to sleep. for the moby and any of the wraps, if you don't have a store nearby to help you use it, there are lots of tutorials on you tube. so don't be intimidated! it's so worth it...

i would just wrap it on myself in the morning, then take bea in and out all day. that way, if we drove somewhere, i didn't have to lug the carseat around when we ran errands! brilliant!

{woven wrap from lovey duds on etsy}

{woven wrap from lil peeper keepers on etsy}

woven wraps are similar to the moby except they have no stretch. they are still essentially a long piece of fabric to wrap your baby on your body. when beatrice got to about 16 pounds, someone at a babywearing clinic recommended i try a woven wrap as there is a little more support for a heavier baby. i love the woven wraps, very simple to put on, but i can't just put in on and wear it all day, taking the baby in and out. i have to wrap beatrice into the wrap. so, i don't use these wraps as often. they are beautiful, so i've mainly used them for "special" occasions. i purchased the black one for the new york premiere of our movie and it was great! i got tons of compliments on it, and beatrice slept like a dream. unfortunately, i didn't get any photos of me wearing it! oh well, next time there's a fancy premiere...

they are still relatively simple to use and again, thank god for you tube tutorials...

{the ergo}

this is my everyday, go-to carrier now that beatrice is a little heavier. it's great because it's simple to put on and there are still lots of options. i primarily wear beatrice on the front or on the back with this carrier, although you can wear baby on your hip and other positions. i love to put beatrice on my back to do things around the house. i can put her on my back and vacuum, do the laundry, clean out the kitchen cupboards {!}...anything, really, and beatrice will sleep soundly!

this carrier was great to travel with, as well. i could just pop it off and on and easily get her in and out when going through airport security, for example. i took it with me to austin when we went to sxsw. this is also the carrier that patty uses when she carries beatrice. super easy, but not the most fashionable...that's why i like to have a few different options.

if you are new to babywearing, definitely give it a go!

music mondays...tell me what you are listening to...**

2011-04-25T09:00:00.001-07:00

ok, it's music monday and i got nothing, folks! tell me what you

are listening to lately...kids music ok, too!

**update: after i posted this, i got a link to this awesome song from my friends nicole & meghan. folks, please check out the cold and lovely...this song is so sexy...

{photo credit: 1. I choose the music, a photo by I HaveGot,aCanon on Flickr
2. andrea alseri}

don't worry...it's friday!

2011-04-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

don't worry be happy...

why worry if you pray, why pray if you worry...

worry is interest on a debt you may never have to pay...

worry is meditation on a bad outcome...

being a new mom and not working has created a whole new level of worry for me. will we have enough money to cover the bills? is beatrice getting everything she needs? what if the car breaks down? what if, what if, what if...

people have said all the above sayings about "worry" to me before, but today someone said to me worry is meditation on a bad outcome, right before i was about to go to yoga. to meditate...and it really made perfect sense...i spend time meditating not necessarily to control the outcome, i know i can't do that, but to let go of worry and to invite love & light into our lives. so why do i go home and sit up at night worrying, meditating on a bad outcome? of course worry will creep into my thoughts now and again, but i have tools to keep it at bay--prayer, meditation, and the knowledge that the universe will take care of us. i just have to remember to use them.

it's patty's birthday this weekend, so we're having a potluck brunch at the house. it will be the first "event" we're having at the house since beatrice was born...

so have a wonderful, safe, happy weekend and don't worry!

{photo credit: spread the love on etsy. i bought this print for beatrice's nursery!}

reading nook for beatrice

2011-04-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

{bean bag chair by paniolo on etsy}

{shabby chic pillow by kenilworth place}

{shh i'm reading by shelby healey on etsy}

{imagination by dazeychic on etsy}

{the constant reader by matou en peluche on etsy}

{today a reader tomorrow a leader by parada creations}

{love is a book by nan lawson on etsy}

{reading is dear to my heart by boopsie daisy on etsy}

{green, i love to read by la portraitiste on etsy}

i just framed a print for bea's nursery & it's finally "done." i'm going to post pictures soon! but there is one little area i'm still working on: the reading nook {will i ever really be "done" with the nursery?!}...i know i have time, i'm certainly not one of those moms that is expecting beatrice to read as a baby, but i want reading and books to be important to her from a very early age....

so there's a little area in her room that's perfect for a reading nook...i wanted to get some artwork and comfy pillows and bean bags...what do you think?

headband fit for a hippie...

2011-04-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

i'm loving this headband, i would wear it everyday, or...

perfect for a hippie wedding...

{photo credit: liasion by kat swank}

music mondays {the go-go's}

2011-04-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

coming of age in the eighties, the go-go's were one of the most influential bands in my youth. and women who rock are amazing...most of my music posts are about rocking women, so...

as the go-go's are about to embark on tour to celebrate the 30th anniversary of BEAUTY & THE BEAT, i thought i'd plug a campaign to get the go-go's recognized by the rock and roll hall of fame in their upcoming "women who rock" exhibit. for me, and many others i know, the go-go's DEFINE women who rock...

this post lays it out amazingly well, but let me just sum it up: the go-go's are the only all female band who wrote their own songs & played their own instruments, who had a #1 hit for six weeks. and they are not included in this exhibit of women rockers. a pretty jaw-dropping oversight, no? they should be lauded and recognized for their achievements and deserve a spot in the rock and roll hall of fame "women who rock" exhibit!!

so what can you do...check out the suggestions here! go forth & rock!

beatrice's first photo shoot

2011-04-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

yes, more pictures of beatrice! beatrice and her friend memphis had their first photo shoot last week with the amazingly talented mimi haddon. i'm so grateful we were able to get some fabulous photos. and i especially love the moms behinds the scenes photo...i am *not* a stage mom...

that said, don't you think beatrice needs an agent?

{all photos mimi haddon}

steady as she grows {six months! & expert traveler}

2011-04-07T09:00:00.000-07:00

this past month we've spent traveling with the documentary about patty called hit so hard. the documentary was made by our friends at the ebersole hughes company. it premiered at south by southwest{sxsw} in austin, texas, then it had it's new york premiere at new directors/new films. since the topic is pretty close to home {my spouse!}, my role was arranging interviews, getting music clearance and fundraising {we raised over $22,000 in 30 days on kickstarter! here's to the power of crowd funding & social media, but that's another post}...

so, we decided to head to austin & new york since it was the first time the movie was showing...needless to say, i was a little nervous about traveling so much with baby beatrice. but she did really great. many folks told me to go for it...since it's so much easier to travel with the little ones when they are "portable"!

i'm so glad we did! we had a really great time and beatrice did great. it was wild going from the staggering heat of austin to the frigid cold of new york, but beatrice was a trooper. since she won't take the bottle, she had to stick with me, so i wore her to the screenings. she slept through the first one in austin...then the next one in austin and the two in new york, we just did the intros and spread out a blanket in the movie lobby and played with her toys during the movie. the time change in new york worked in our favor...the first screening was at 6pm, so it was really only 3pm california time, so bea was still in great spirits...

in new york, there was a pretty big press line, and since beatrice was awake, she was with me...she's already a star! here she is on stage with us during the q&a:

so, now we're home & we don't plan on traveling again for a while...the film is going to other fests {i'll keep you posted or for up-to-the-minute updates, you can follow the film on twitter or like it on facebook}, but bea and i are going to stay home for a while and work on some other projects! more to come...

{photo credits here}

steady as she grows {almost six months!}

2011-03-08T09:00:00.000-08:00

ok, i'm not sure how some of you mommy bloggers do it...i haven't been able to get a post up in weeks! i'm also really anal about not letting the baby see any screens, including the computer, which makes typing and blogging around baby really hard...

but i've also been a bit pre-occupied with some other news...we just found out that the documentary about patty called HIT SO HARD, will be at two film festivals this month! so we'll be traveling to austin and new york city very soon.

the world premiere will be at sxsw, we have two screenings, one on the 15th and one on the 18th. if you're at sxsw, be sure to come to a screening!

and the new york premiere will be at new directors/new films. march 28th at moma and march 30 at lincoln center...ticket info here.

so beatrice is going to be quite the little traveler! she's so active now, rolling over, almost sitting up all by herself, and pushing up on all fours...she can scoot herself backwards now...she'll be crawling any minute. lord help me...

{photo credits: planet swan}

steady as she grows {nineteen weeks}

2011-01-28T09:00:00.000-08:00

beatrice is really interested in two things this week: her toes & her toys. she's really starting to actually engage in her toys, rather than just reflex grabbing them...so i caved in and got her one of those horrifying excersaucers {or however you spell it--is it even a real word?}. we got it used, which makes me feel *slightly* better about all the plastic. why do kids toys need to be made out of so much plastic? i've been pretty good about avoiding plastic {we have some hand-me-down plastic toys} toys and only buying wood or cloth, but it's tough.

i use the excersaucer {or as my friend calls it "the office"} when i need to do something i don't want to do while i'm wearing bea, like taking hot muffins out of the oven {that post is coming soon, i swear}...and for the most part, she enjoys her time in it. she's in for about five-fifteen minutes at the most, then she's ready to move on.

so, i'm not choosing this battle, plastic "office" it is....until she's over it and ready for the next toy...

she's wearing:

photos 1, 2

{hand-me-downs}

photos 3, 4

{cute onesie customized by our little friend josephine "jo-jo"}

photo 5

{hand-me-down onesie}

{baby legs}

toys:

photo 1

{yellow label kids}

photo 2

{who knows, we got it off craigslist!}

photos 3, 4

{haba fairy & planet}

photo 5

{little sapling toys anchor}

{vulli teether}

{bumbo from craigslist}

baby legs...

2011-01-26T09:00:00.000-08:00

beatrice fell asleep on my lap and i couldn't resist...love her chubby legs...

i know you covet a monique lhuillier gown...

2011-01-20T09:00:00.000-08:00

so some friends are casting for a monique lhuillier series and are looking for a bride-to-be...who knows who might want to be on tv to get a monique lhuillier gown? so i thought i'd post. no judgement if you apply....

from their site:

"MONIQUE LHUILLIER DOCU SERIES”
NOW CASTING: Brides-to-be with stories that will touch hearts across America!

A Major Cable Network and Gay Rosenthal Productions are seeking brides-to-be for a new Docu-Series.

· Do you have an emotional or inspirational story connected to your upcoming wedding?

· Do you have a particularly emotional or dramatic story that led to your engagement?

· Have you always wanted to walk down the aisle in the wedding gown of your dreams?

· Do you know someone getting married who has a great emotional story?

Monique Lhuillier is among the worlds leading creators of haute couture bridal wear -- brides and celebrities all over the world have sought her out to design their gowns.

On this new show, lucky brides will have the opportunity of a lifetime to wear the dress of their dreams!

To apply visit: http://thecastingfirm.com/monique-lhuillier

steady as she grows {eighteen weeks}

2011-01-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

beatrice is growing more and more everyday. i swear sometimes i pick her up and feel like she's grown since the last time i picked her up...like five minutes ago! she's definitely found her voice and is using it and she loves to laugh. thank goodness, with me & patty as her mamas! she loves meeting new people and has been going to her playgroups and yoga...

she also had a first this week: her first cold. it's so heartbreaking to hear her little sniffles and coughs. i feel so helpless and wish i could do something. although she rarely cries, she's been waking up at night crying and a little extra fussy. poor baby. i'm doing everything i can to boost my immunity so that i don't get sick and keep us both feeling miserable. but i know, like all things, this too shall pass, and she'll be back to herself in no time!

she's wearing:

{petit bateau top, from grow kid grow}

{babylegs leggings}

{trumpette socks}

{blanket hand-knit by my grandma}

work at home, stay at home, working....mom

2011-01-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

ok, i know i'm not inventing the wheel here, but i've been thinking a lot about work & motherhood. well, obviously since now i'm a mom. and until recently, i worked. i worked a lot, actually. you could even call me a work-aholic. i was {am still?} in a field that is extremely demanding, my days were 12+ hours, my weeks 6+ days...some days i would get up before patty woke up and get home long after she had gone to bed. i loved my job...i was good at it and i was very career focused...

i assumed i'd have baby, recover, then pop back to work as soon as she turns three months old, right? not so much. i'm doing everything i can to try to be a stay-at-home mom for a little longer...something i never thought i'd do or want.

yes, i consider myself a feminist and i believe feminism means "do whatever you want," not "women need to be just like men." so, if you want to be a stay-at-home mom, you're just as much a feminist as a career lady in my book...so long as you choose it. i just thought i would choose career lady...

i realized that in choosing career i was choosing something that was fulfilling but something that also was based in some materialism. financial need of course, but i'll admit i loved having the extra income to fuel my etsy addiction, among other things...

so, my priorities have shifted. i choose beatrice and giving her the emotional attachment in these crucial early years. i read somewhere that your kids want you and your attention, not things. in reality, i may have to be work-at-home mom, too, and that's ok. can this all change tomorrow, of course. who knows, i may get a call for a job and have to take it.

but i'm not going to judge myself...{and i'm not judging anyone who makes different decisions than mine, it's all good: working mom, stay-at-home mom, work-from-home mom, you name it...it's a personal choice and as women we need to support each other's choices...}

now i find myself dipping back into old careers to make a little money here and there doing things from home...i know i've been hinting at other projects for a while, and well, i'm still gonna hint because nothing is fully developed yet...but i'm doing the best i can and loving beatrice and doing what's important for our family right now.

{photo credit american express via celebrity baby blog}

music mondays {sierra swan}

2011-01-17T09:00:00.000-08:00

i've been following sierra swan on twitter and she's been posting tidbits and videos...and i'm hooked. i love her voice, it's so velvety and sensual...i kinda get lost & dreamy when i hear her. and to top it off, she's a mama to an adorable little guy. hooray for the mama's...

if you are lucky enough to live in los angeles, she has a show coming up at the end of the month: january 31 at the hotel cafe...since beatrice won't take the bottle, i don't think i'll be able to make it...

follow her on twitter for the magic...

steady as she grows {seventeen weeks}

2011-01-12T09:00:00.000-08:00

they really do grow so fast...just today i cleaned out the first batch of clothes that beatrice grew out of...so for that reason it seems so silly to buy a lot of new clothes! yes, i know i confessed to the occasional gilt group or zulily purchase, but that's not the norm. most of beatrice's clothes have been hand-me-downs or have come from re-sale shops like grow kid grow in our neighborhood. until now, i haven't had anything to sell them, but now i do! you can bring your clothes in to sell and you either get a credit or cash, i'm taking the credit every time if beatrice is outgrowing clothes every three months!

she's such a wonderful baby, so calm and such a sweet disposition. she is really actively grabbing & playing with toys {read: putting in mouth}...i've found some used toys for her, but with toys it's a bit tougher. they are not as easy to find...

she had so many activities last week: we went to a play group at the los angeles gay & lesbian center for the first time. it was really great to meet & connect with other lgbt parents! there were quite a few people there, it was really cool. i have to admit it's tough sometimes being the only gay at some of the support groups and yoga we attend...everyone is awesome and i've made tons of great mom friends...it's just nice to connect with folks who are doing the same thing we are doing as far as the "non-traditional" family {whatever that means}...

she's wearing:

{old navy top}

{children's place pants}

{trumpette socks}

{all gently used from grow kid grow}

{bla bla doll}

{blanket hand-knit by my grandma}

soapwalla keeps me fresh...

2011-01-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

ok, so i'm going to blog about deodorant. yes, deodorant. it seems like it's so tough to find an organic, green deodorant that *works*...it's important to me to find something healthy, as skin is our largest organ...what i put on my body is just as important as what i put in my body...why spend extra money on organic blueberries if i'm going to put yucky chemicals on my skin?

i've tried them all...from the fancy ones to the rock you see in the hippie health stores, but i've found the best one by far. i've been using the deodorant cream from soapwalla for almost two years now. it's amazing. yes, i used amazing to describe deodorant. it has great consistency, smells nice and IT WORKS! and remember i live in los angeles, hot los angeles...{confession: when i got home from the hospital with beatrice, i probably didn't shower *every* day, well, it still worked...} i started ordering two at a time because i hate running out...

i love that it's hand-made by the soapwalla chef, it's so decadent...i've tried some of her other yummy products and they are wonderful {i used the pregnancy oil on my belly throughout my pregnancy}...but i'm a huge fan of the deodorant!!

here are the ingredients:

Organic jojoba, sunflower, and rosehip seed oils; shea butter; a combination of all-natural and gluten-free vegetable clays and powders; aluminum-free sodium bicarbonate; organic vegan kosher glycerin; a combination of organic lavender, peppermint, sweet orange, bergamot and tea tree essential oils.

{photo credit: soapwalla}

music mondays {karen elson}

2011-01-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

i first heard karen elson sing at a citizens band performance in los angeles. i was pretty blown away, i had no idea she could sing! and loving red heads, i knew had to hear more when her album dropped. well, i wasn't disappointed.

the video, directed by my beautiful friends, the belles of the black diamond field, is gorgeous & haunting...

steady as she grows {sixteen weeks}

2011-01-07T09:00:00.000-08:00

first of all, happy friday! i'm late on this post this week...

sixteen weeks is four months...so unbelievable that beatrice has been with me for four months...we're out of her so-called 'fourth trimester,' where she nurses and sleeps all the time...it's amazing to see her take in the world and learn to grasp, smile, laugh and start to play...

i'm so excited to continue to watch her grow and get to know her personality, but i really love this stage--she's such a small little bundle that still falls asleep when nursing. what an amazing gift that i've been able to nurse her, i hope that i can keep it up for at least a year, if not longer...

i've been reading about how facebook deleted, then re-instated, then deleted, then re-instated {confused yet?} the breastfeeding support page, the leaky b@@b...it really saddens me that the natural process of a mother feeding her child can be so provoking. breastfeeding obscene? really? i'm so grateful that i've had nothing but support as a breastfeeding mom. there's really nothing more amazing that a mom can give her child...

she's wearing:

first three photos

{baby gap dress & luvette leggings}

{hand-me-down socks}

{blanket hand-knit by my grandma for me when i was a baby!}

last photo

{splendid thermal}

luving luvette...

2011-01-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

i have to say it's been pretty cold here in los angeles. i know, i'm spoiled--no snow blizzards or anything, but for sunny so cal, drops into the 4o's are considered cold. so beatrice has been keeping her little bum warm with cashmere. yes, cashmere. she got a pair of bum warmers as a gift from luvette.

luvette is run by an eco-responsible mom who re-purposes sweaters into adorable baby & toddler wear. you'll find pants, diaper covers, even blankets, all lovingly hand-crafted for your little one. how genius & adorable...beatrice's little pants are made from an old cashmere sweater {the sleeves are the legs!}...so soft & luxurious for her little tush!

i think beatrice needs to sport that little skirt...

{photo credit: luvette}

hand-made eco toys on etsy...cuteness abounds!

2011-01-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

it's unfortunate that one needs to make sure that a toy is non-toxic these days, so i tend to stick to hand-made and made responsibly. plus, the hand-made ones are the cutest! so sweet and special. here are some of my favorites from etsy sellers:

{cloth play blocks from the polka dot spot on etsy}

{soft baby rattle, bee from by handmade by marika on etsy}

{crocheted organic rattle, monkey {there are lots of animals to choose from!} from locomomma on etsy}

{little anchor teether from little sapling toys on etsy}

{felted sheep from woolies on etsy}

{matilda, the eco friendly owl also from woolies on etsy}

music mondays {anna waronker}

2011-01-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

i'm loving this song right now....anna waronker was the lead singer of that dog back in the nineties and she's back with another solo album. really excited to hear what she's got in store... album not available until feb 8, but be sure to check it out!

steady as she grows {fourteen & fifteen weeks}

2010-12-30T09:00:00.000-08:00

fourteen weeks:

fifteen weeks:

sweet bea is getting bigger everyday...she loves to look around and is so curious about the world around her. her giggle is absolutely infectious...

she spent time with grandmas & grandpa, uncle larry and lots of friends last week and she sure got spoiled. she loves being around people and seems like a pretty social little lady.

i love being her mama & i miss her when she's sleeping...i'm still concocting lots of plans to stay home longer with her...who knew she would steal my heart?

she's wearing:

fourteen weeks

{vintage sweater, top & cashmere leggings}

{trumpette socks}

fifteen weeks

{baby gap top & tutu with leggings}

{trumpette socks}

music mondays {psychic friend}

2010-12-27T16:36:00.001-08:00

ok...shameless promotion. patty has several projects in the works and this is one of them. psychic friend. she's in the band with will schwartz & bo boddie...

my favorite song is 'once a servant.' enjoy!

go now & like them on facebook, follow them on twitter & look for them coming to a city near you...

{artwork by lena wolff}

music mondays {mumford & sons}

2010-12-20T09:20:00.000-08:00

i saw these guys on another blog & for the love of god i can't remember who introduced this band to me...so my apologies...

but ever since i read about this band, i've been listening to them...mumford & sons have a great sound {gotta love a banjo!} and i'm especially enjoying the acoustic bookshop sessions, from which i posted above...nice soundtrack for the rain we've been having here in los angeles...

happy friday...donate toys!

2010-12-17T07:40:00.000-08:00

happy friday, folks!

what are you up to this weekend? if you are in los angeles, please consider donating toys to children's hospital los angeles. they have run out of toys! it breaks my heart to think of kids in the hospital at all, let alone on christmas, so please consider brightening one child's life this season...since they only accept new toys, i try to purchase eco-friendly wooden toys, that are safe and non-toxic. these kids are already so exposed to toxins, why expose them to more...

in fact, continue to spread the love for children with cancer, eschew the gift giving frenzy and for the adults in your life, consider a donation to a favorite charity. one of my favorites is the pablove foundation, fighting childhood cancer with love. the foundation was started by our friends, jeff & jo ann, who lost their sweet boy, pablo to cancer. they have turned their struggle into an amazing foundation that helps other kids...truly an inspiration.

{photo credit: oompa.com}

baby clothes get me every time...

2010-12-16T09:00:00.000-08:00

ok, i'll admit it: not everything i buy for beatrice is vintage, home-made or from a re-sale shop...sometimes i buy her some basics, toys, books & other sweet stuff from zulily or gilt sales. basically they are invite only sales where they feature great deals on clothes, books & toys for babies and maternity & nursing gear for mamas {gilt also has women's, men's, gift & home sales, but i only shop children's!}...i've gotten a few of my favorite glamourmom nursing tanks on zulily for half price...

this morning i bought a super-sweet tunic from kayce hughes, an adorable striped sailor suit & floral playsuit from coccoli. pretty cute items that i probably wouldn't have purchased full price...

{photos from zulily}

so here are your invites to zulily and to gilt...

steady as she grows {thirteen weeks}

2010-12-15T09:00:00.000-08:00

lucky thirteen weeks old...beatrice is really much more alert to the world and enjoying every minute of it. smiles, smiles and laughter. she's also graduated to facing out in her moby wrap. she can hold her head up very well and loves looking at the world go by...she's still a great sleeper at night, although lately she's been waking a bit more for feedings...but i can't complain...

she also took her first plane trip last week...it was a short flight, just one hour home to oakland, but she did great! she nursed on take off and landing and didn't fuss at all. i'm so glad i bought an extra seat for her, it's so much safer...i never understood just holding a baby on a flight. both my parents are in the airline business, though, and they always said it was better to have a baby secure in their own seat if {god forbid} anything happened. patty & i were flying home once and the plane had so much turbulence, the wings were at a ninety degree angle to the ground! i can't imagine having to put beatrice under the seat in front of me in that situation...

so if you're traveling this upcoming holiday season with baby, spring for the seat & bring her carseat, hopefully you won't need it, but it's worth it!

she's wearing:

{adorable vintage 2-piece bunny outfit}

{pixie lily booties}

music mondays {renee & jeremy}

2010-12-13T09:00:00.000-08:00

in the morning, beatrice loves to have a dance party...we put on music and i dance with her until she falls asleep for her morning nap. one of her favorites is home by edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros, but lately, we've been listening to a children's station on pandora. i keep bookmarking the same artist over & over again, so i decided to check them out...renee & jeremy.

they are not new to the kids' music scene, their first album, it's a big world, came out in 2007...but i am new to the kids' music scene, so i'm just now learning of them. the songs i kept bookmarking on pandora are from it's a big world, and they are all really beautiful, loving, sweet songs...their voices together give me goosebumps. you absolutely do not need children to enjoy these tunes...but being a parent just enhances the already lovely listening experience...

i'm excited to really listen to their other album, c'mon, of which this is the title song...and who can resist little drummer boy...i had to download that one right away!

parents & non-parents alike: enjoy!

happy friday...

2010-12-10T09:00:00.000-08:00

so i was off to such a good start posting every day, then i had to go away and it all went down the tubes. it's been quite a week, i went home to a funeral, celebrated my aunt's birthday, visited with family, showed off bea to my parents' friends {at their urging, of course}, mourned a lost dog, celebrated the safe return of said dog, found out another favorite dog has heart disease, talked to the vet after one of our long-time client dogs got out of surgery, and did more work on a project that will hopefully allow me to spend more time at home with the baby...phew...

the passing of my friend's brother at the much too early age of 36 really put things in perspective. the funeral was a wonderful celebration of his short & full life...the church was full of friends and family, it was quite a showing. since this was a friend from childhood, there were many faces from the past at the funeral that i hadn't seen in ages. of course it was great to see them, but too bad such unfortunate circumstances brought us together. i brought baby bea and when i hugged my friend at the service, she said, "i'm so glad you brought her, it reminds me of the cycle of life and that life continues on..."

i'm so grateful for all the friends, family, dogs and love in my life.

have a wonderful weekend! i'm going to put together posts for next week, do lots of laundry, go to the farmer's market, spend time with friends, family & dogs, and of course nurse the baby...

{photo credit: snappy bex on flickr}

happy friday...

2010-12-03T11:45:00.001-08:00

i'm writing this post with a heavy heart, a good friend of mine's brother recently passed away and i'm preparing to travel home for his funeral. i've known my friend since we were eight, and her little brother was in my little brother's class.

i'm going to be flying for the first time with beatrice, but at least it's a short flight...

sending love & light to my friend and her family...

remember to hold your loved ones close...

have a wonderful weekend...

{photo credit: oly-oly-oly on flickr}

hello {cactus & quail}, fabulous paper & design studio...

2010-12-02T09:00:00.000-08:00

jamie at a desert fete has just launched her new business {cactus & quail}, an amazing design & paper studio. she offers both custom & ready-made options, which can be helpful when on a budget. there's even a flea market with some great handmade pieces hand made my jamie. how beautiful are the cactus blooms...

clean, beautiful design...go check it out post haste!

{photo credit: cactus & quail}

steady as she grows {eleven weeks}

2010-12-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

i cannot believe she's eleven weeks old already. so cliche, i know, but time flies...

this is a really fun time, she's still very cuddly, but really starting to wake up to the world. she really loves to look around and see what's going on around her. she loves mirrors and mobiles...she's even starting to grab for toys and smile a lot more. she's still a pretty serious baby, though! everyday it seems like there are huge milestones. she still doesn't want to take the bottle, so i've had to stick pretty close to her...i'm trying to concoct some plans so i can stay home longer with her. production hours don't really work too well nursing a new baby. so fingers crossed...

she's wearing:

{ralph lauren dress & bloomers} from kids re-sale shop, grow kid grow

{baby gap tights}

sweet giveaway...

2010-11-30T09:00:00.000-08:00

over at natural mommie, they are doing a great green giveaway. how sweet are these fabric wall stickers from quick brown fox of dulwich? i especially love the twitter for girls...the sweet birds...i would love to have these in little bea's room. i have a bit of a fabric and woodland theme going in there, so they would be perfect! and to top it all of, they are eco-friendly, with eco inks and recycled packaging...right up my alley.

head over and check it out!

natural mommie does all kinds of great green giveaways, i've got my hat in the ring for a few of them!

{photo credit: quick brown fox of dulwich}

music mondays {snatam kaur} & my birth story

2010-11-29T09:00:00.000-08:00

i'm posting my birth story on music monday because my music playlist really helped me through the birth. when i was about three months pregnant, i started going to yoga at golden bridge yoga in hollywood. the classes there are kundalini yoga, and the prenatal yoga classes and meditations are based on gurmukh's book, bountiful, beautiful, blissful. since i really enjoyed the classes and meditations, i asked one of the yoga teachers for a doula recommendation. my yoga teacher also helped me put together a labor and birth playlist. this song was on that playlist.

long time sun is a blessing sung at the end of every kundalini yoga class. you sing once for yourself, once for those in need, and the third time for your baby.

so i feel like my birth story starts there, when i began yoga at golden bridge. i loved my classes there so much, i decided to take the birth class they offered. so about three months before the baby was due, patty & i took a birth class at golden bridge yoga from my favorite teacher, akal {she is also a nurse at cedars sinai, where i was giving birth, so it really made me feel good about my hospital birth}. i'm so glad we took the class together, the yoga teacher taught us a lot about some exercises we could do during labor; breathing to help through the contractions; the benefits of avoiding interventions such as pitocin and epidurals; and how a labor doula could really support our decisions to have as natural a birth as possible in the hospital.

about two months before beatrice's arrival, i made our first appointment with carmen, our doula. carmen was great, she came over three times before the birth. the first time was to discuss our birthing preferences...we really wanted to have a natural birth and she helped us come up with those guidelines for the doctor and nurses at the hospital. the second visit she showed us some labor exercises to do. and the third visit was my favorite--the massage. she's a certified massage therapist, which proved to be so amazing during the birth.

my due date was september 10, and that on that early friday morning, about 1am, i started having contractions. i called carmen at about 4am, and she told me to try to sleep in between them, which i did. i had an appointment with my doctor, dr paula mc allister, at 9am, so i went to that with patty. once at the doctor's office, they determined i was 3 centimeters dilated, and they put the baby on the monitor--then my contractions really amped up. the doctor suggested we check in to the hospital! after an hour or so at the doctor's office, and a phone call with carmen, we decided to go home. i really wanted to labor at home & i knew this was early labor {and it retrospect, i'm really glad i went home!} and i didn't want to get to the hospital too early and chance them "rushing" my labor. so i got home friday at about noon. that evening, the contractions really revved up so we called carmen & she came over. she was amazing, really helpful getting me through the contractions...she massaged me non-stop. her hands are magic...

and by the way, a week before i went into labor, patty broke her foot going down our stairs! and it was her right foot, so she couldn't drive us to the hospital...so carmen was such a blessing! she was helping us so much, doing things that patty couldn't do, and she has a van, so she set it up so she could drive us to the hospital.

carmen stayed over friday night massaging me & generally helping out, but the contractions subsided a bit on saturday morning {september 11}, so we decided that carmen should go home & get ready and come back later in the day. saturday i went for a walk, ate lunch, did laundry...tried to get ready as much as i could.

saturday night the contractions really revved up again, so carmen came over...and we did it all over again, contractions, breathing, massage...at about 3am sunday morning {september 12} we decided it was time to make the trip to the hospital, so we called the doctor and loaded up in carmen's van. i was contracting pretty intensely at this point, so the car ride was a bit torturous...thank god it was 3am and there was no traffic on the streets of la!

once checked into the hospital, i was 5 centimeters dilated...we thought baby would be coming soon! we were lucky to have a wonderful nurse and got a room with a tub. i promptly got myself in the tub to relieve the intensity of the contractions...well i guess i relieved them too much...they started to subside by about noon on sunday. it was really weird...the doctor came in and said "you look too comfortable!" so i took lots of walks around the hospital and really tried to intensify the contractions. the doctor came back sunday afternoon and we decided that she should break my water...we hoped that would speed things along. so around 4pm, she broke my water and the contractions really intensified!

in my birth preferences, i indicated that the nurses should not offer me pain meds, and i told patty and carmen, if i ask for them, that they should let me ask three times to really make sure i wanted or needed them. i wanted to avoid interventions such as pitocin or an epidural that might lead me down the road to have a c-section. if i couldn't birth at home, i wanted to stay as natural as possible in the hospital. so, i went for about 3-4 hours with incredibly intense contractions and was really tired. at this point, i'd been in labor since early friday morning {thursday night really!} and hadn't really eaten much since saturday...i was getting worn down.

i asked for an epidural. carmen talked me through it and i went a bit longer. i asked a second time...she said, "let's see how far dilated you are, if you are close, you can get through it!" i figured, if i'm already at 8 or 9, no problem, so i agreed, and a nurse came in to check me. i was still 5 centimeters!!! i was stuck at 5 centimeters since i checked into the hospital! at this point, it was about midnight on sunday and i was ready to quit! the baby could just stay inside!! so i asked--well demanded really--for the third time "GET ME AN EPIDURAL!!!!!"

so the anesthesiologist was dispatched post haste and i had my epidural. at that point, i was able to get some much needed sleep. at some point the nurse shift change had happened and another amazing nurse came on...she asked me if i wanted an italian ice sorbet. it was the best thing i had ever tasted in my life.

so about 3am on monday {september 13}, they checked me and i was dilated to 10 centimeters! the epidural did its job and i was able to relax and fully dilate...one more complication, however, i had developed a fever while on the epidural {pretty common i hear}, but that meant that they had to put me on antibiotics...not ideal. but the main disappointment for me was that because there was a chance of infection, the nurse informed me that when the baby came, she would not be able to go immediately to my breast, the pediatrics team would have to evaluate her first, then she could be placed skin to skin. but in the meantime...

the baby was not falling...so the nurse told me to hold on before i should push, she had called dr mc allister and she wanted to wait for her to drop a bit more. well, i wasn't really having it. i asked the nurse to set up the bed for me to squat so i could start pushing...i figured if i was in a squat, i would let gravity work in my favor and the baby would drop. i did this for a while {about 2 hours, but i really lost track of time!}, and the doctor arrived around 5am. she did a check and informed me that not only was the baby stuck on my pelvic bone, but she was "sunny side up." so she thought that i should lay on my back and push, allowing the baby to fall towards my back and hopefully get "unstuck."

after some more unsuccessful pushing, the dr mc allister said that she wanted to try suction to help guide the baby down. at this point, i was so exhausted and i knew that it would be the "last ditch effort" before they would resort to a c-section, so i agreed. well, it worked, thank god...and after another couple hours of warrior-woman pushing little bea came into the world!

baby beatrice rinn schemel was born on monday, september 13 {my birthday} at 7:06am...the best birthday present ever...

although she was whisked away, she was only gone for about two minutes, and they brought her right back to me to place her on my chest skin to skin. she started nursing almost immediately! that long labor must have worked up her appetite...

i cannot say enough wonderful things about my partner, my doula, my doctor and the amazing team at cedars. it was long and not exactly as i would have imagined it, but it was indeed the perfect birth.

happy friday...we're still thankful...we have everything we need

2010-11-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

happy friday! have a great weekend...

today we went for a nice walk, drank lots of nursing tea and visited with some friends...avoided the black friday sales altogether. isn't it ironic that the biggest shopping {consumption} day of the year falls the day after we are reminded of all the blessings in our lives...

i'm definitely guilty of being a consumer...i'm signed up for sales at zulilly and gilt and immediately click over when i get a notification to see what cute baby clothes are on sale...i've gotten some great deals there, i'll admit it!

but i also try to buy the bulk of my baby clothes and gear used...either at a great kids resale shop, etsy or on craigslist. i've also done the spending hiatuses, which really help put things in perspective...

but every time i'm tempted to make a purchase, i try to ask myself: "do i need this?" if so, "can i buy it used?" at the very least, i can be conscious of what i purchase...but today i refrained an opted out of the consumerism...

steady as she grows...

2010-11-25T10:13:00.000-08:00

i can't believe it's been ten weeks since baby beatrice arrived. i swore i would blog everyday...but that proved a bit difficult one handed while nursing! but here's an attempt to catch up.

happy thanksgiving...there is so much to be grateful for!

one week

two weeks

three weeks

four weeks

five weeks

six weeks

seven weeks

eight weeks

nine weeks

next time, i'll let you know what she's wearing...

beatrice rinn schemel

2010-10-06T14:14:00.000-07:00

please help us welcome:

beatrice rinn schemel

9.13.2010

7:06am

8lbs, 3oz

21 inches

birth story to come...

warm sugar posy doll...

2010-09-02T15:46:00.000-07:00

i just ordered the sweetest doll from warm sugar on etsy. can you stand the cuteness? it was so fun, i got to choose the outfit, hair color, socks, almost every detail! i told her that our nursery colors were pink, white, grey, green & black and she choose fabric accordingly. can you believe the little shoes with vintage buttons? i love them!

didn't she turn out so cute? now she's just waiting for the baby to arrive...one week to go...

{photo credit: warm sugar}

two years ago today...

2010-08-30T16:27:00.000-07:00

...we got legally married in california! this pic is from our one year wedding anniversary in paris. this year, i'm also exactly 38 weeks pregnant on our wedding anniversary...we took some pics yesterday of my HUGE belly, which i'll share soon!

music mondays {edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros}

2010-08-23T08:00:00.000-07:00

i know this song is all over...but it makes me so happy. they played this weekend in our neighborhood at sunset junction, but my preggo feet were too swollen to make it down the street! i'll have to catch them another time...

happy monday!

vintage clothes go on vintage hangers...

2010-08-20T08:00:00.000-07:00

i've been falling down the etsy k-hole a lot lately...the other night i was up until midnight favorite-ing {i'm making that a new word} a TON of cute vintage baby clothes. i didn't purchase them all yet, but i'm close. {expect a post about that soon.}

so what do vintage baby clothes hang on? vintage hangers of course. so cute, i can't stand it. yes, they are plastic & i'm anti-plastic...but they are vintage {and mostly made in USA}, so i'm not contributing to the plastic consumption, right? it's reducing and reusing...

{photo credits: 1. thl vintage; 2. my favorite finds; 3. squirreley girley; 4. scrappy jessi}

hooray for prop 8 overturn!

2010-08-13T17:49:00.001-07:00

over the past week or so, i haven't really posted much about the overturn of prop 8 in california...it goes without saying that it's pretty amazing. i'm happy that starting august 18 so many more couples can tie the knot...

but i just wanted to share a really cool give-away from pink cloud events. they are an eco event planning company in los angeles! eco- & gay- friendly...right up my alley!! go check it out & good luck!

happy weekend!

vintage baby

2010-08-12T08:00:00.000-07:00

i'm a bit obsessed with vintage baby rompers right now...just bought two from oh sydney vintage on etsy. kill me now with cuteness.

and...only four more weeks to go!

{photo credit: here and here}

finally, introducing the bump...

2010-07-20T13:13:00.001-07:00

...32 weeks along...so close and so big!

{photo credits: these photos were taken by the amazing planet swan. vintage 1930's slip from the butler's cottage {the place where i bought my wedding dress}; cameo from la marquis des anges}

i'm not complaining...

2010-07-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

but i'm definitely feeling more and more pregnant everyday. since it's summer and the heat has just really hit, my feet and hands are swelling up like balloons. oy. i can only wear my one pair of silver birkenstocks and my many havaianas. since flip flops aren't the most supportive shoes, it's been the good old birks' most of the time. so i had to find some somewhat cute (at least not horrible) old lady sandals.

i got a bronze pair of worishofer sandals and a pair of light brown patent dansko clogs. they are both adjustable, so i can wear them as my feet swell up and go back down. i'm actually thinking about getting more colors of the worishofers...they're not bad, right?

{photo credit: here & here}

toys for the bebe...

2010-07-13T16:04:00.000-07:00

aren't these dolls the sweetest things ever? they are all handmade, hand-dyed from recycled and vintage fabrics by jess brown design.

i think the bebe girl needs one...

{photo credits here}

ok, i know it's early...

2010-07-12T10:58:00.001-07:00

but i had to buy this for the baby's nursery. we want her to play music or at least be introduced to it early since patty is a musician...so might as well start now. there was a drum set too, but patty insists she needs to start with piano! it was on super sale from gilt and i couldn't resist...

{photo credit schoenhut}

baby nursery inspiration...

2010-07-08T05:00:00.000-07:00

i don't mean for this to turn into a baby blog, but i got baby on the brain! so my posts have been a bit erratic, as all i can think about is baby, and i don't only want to post baby, baby, baby!!

but...it is a girl! and now i'm working on the nursery. eventually it will be a bit more rock'n'roll like this nursery, but now i just need the basics. plus, i think we'll have her in our bed for the first six months at least, but i feel like i want to have the nursery ready before she comes, as i'm sure i'll be overwhelmed once she's here! so here's some inspiration...

{nursery color palette: black, grey, pale pink, dark pink, green}

we inherited a black jenny lind crib. i wanted a jenny lind crib, but not necessarily in black. so now i'm working with what i have...i'm so grateful to have a hand-me-down...now i just have to buy an organic mattress! the other items i have in the room are a vintage vanity and a vintage chest of drawers, both in an oak wood. i also inherited a wood diaper changer that fits perfectly on top of the chest of drawers...so the overall look is definitely going to be antique eclectic...pretty much my style! as with everything, reduce, reuse, recycle. so i love the hand-me-downs and vintage pieces!

wall color...i'm thinking a very pale, pale pink likebehr (zero VOC of course!) reverie pink. that way, the black crib will look great and since the crib is black we can go pink accessories without going too girly!

so for the basic bedding, i think we're going for a simple grey with pink throw pillows from plover organics. one thing that was really important to me was to find organic bedding. the baby will be spending a lot of time in this bed and it should be free from pesticides. it's pretty hard to find organic crib bedding that i like, so i was pretty excited to find plover organics.

i love this sweet bird mobile from bla bla kids. everything on their site is so sweet. i'm trying to avoid plastics, so i only want knit & wood toys, organics even better!

the lighting in the room right now is not so cute...i'd love to get a cute chandelier like this one from ginger's choice on etsy.

maybe some cute fabric organizer bins like this one from sew gracious on etsy to organize all the eco-friendsly, wooden & knit toys!

so those are the basics of the nursery...we have a small bookcase and rocker that i need to figure out. the rocker is white fabric & i'd love to cover it in something cuter. i also have way more books than will fit on the tiny bookcase, so i'm on the hunt for a cute bookcase...i'll probably troll craigslist to find something that will work with the eclectic decor...

and artwork! there is so much cute artwork out there, i'm going to have to do a separate post...

{photo credits: 1. making it lovely; 2. home depot; 3 & 4. plover organics; 5. bla bla kids; 6. ginger's choice; 7. sew gracious}

biba takes on hollywood...

2010-05-18T05:00:00.000-07:00

check out the video our pal molly made for paper magazine. so cute and funny...i can only wish for such a talented baby.

sweet cookie giveaway...

2010-05-06T10:29:00.001-07:00

the amazing woman who catered our wedding is specializing in cookies! amazing...her sweet treats were recently featured on the "bonnie hunt show" and the show is offering a yummy {um, hello? hazelnut-chocolate infused dough and dark chocolate. kill me now} give-away. click here for details.

to order amazing cookie delights, gift baskets {cookies & tea anyone?}, go to geschenk now.

floral nappy bag...

2010-04-22T05:00:00.000-07:00

i'm loving all the florals out there. i've always loved florals & lace. patty calls my style "granny chic." the awesome floral post over at city sage inspired me to check out one of my favorite designers, cath kitson. of course among all the gorgeous florals, i found a diaper bag {or a "nappy" bag, they say in the uk}. since a diaper bag is not something i would probably buy used, i immediately was going to hit purchase when i realized it was made of PVC, the poison plastic. oh, why do the super-cute things have to be so unhealthy?

do hippies even get married?

2010-04-20T18:22:00.000-07:00

well, if so, here's another hippie wedding dress. or prairie. or backyard garden. i'd love to see someone get married in this sweet dress.

{get this gorgeous dress here}

hippie is a state of mind...

2010-04-19T13:04:00.000-07:00

ok, i have to weigh in on this. after esb did her version of a hippie wedding, i feel like i needed to throw in my 2 cents...being a hippie at heart and all...

hippie is a state of mind, not a style...you can't just throw on a new dress, spend lots on a flower headband and call yourself a hippie. i'd suggest finding a vintage dress, going barefoot, having a pot-luck, recycling and donating to charity instead of accepting gifts...so there, my 2 cents.

{photos from tavin shop, where she recently opened a vintage bridal section...}

if we have a girl...

2010-04-14T18:04:00.001-07:00

this will be her nursery inspiration. drum kit & dj lance included. {click on photo to view larger.}

{photo credit here.}

sweet boy...

2010-04-13T13:18:00.000-07:00

i'm not a mom yet, but i can't imagine the incredible love, courage and bravery of this mom, lynn of satsuma press. her sweet boy, liam, has a neuromuscular disorder called spinal muscular atrophy type 2 and they are raising money to remodel the bathroom to accomodate liam's wheelchair.

another example of putting things into perspective and being grateful for every moment of every day.

help liam's cause & learn more here.

baby on the way...

2010-04-08T14:05:00.001-07:00

i know i haven't blogged in a long while...i've been working in production, which is a lot of hours and haven't had a chance to sit down. i'm still working, but i've been missing the blogs!

so...we also have some news...we're pregnant! i'm currently 18 weeks along, so officially out of the first trimester. the baby is due in september on my birthday! we don't know sex yet, we've had one ultrasound and we're due for another in two weeks.

patty's brother is the donor, so the baby will be as genetically close to me & patty as possible. my bible was the taking charge of your fertility book...i also went to acupuncture for about nine months before we started trying. i swear that helped, as it totally regulated my crazy irregular cycle, and we got pregnant on our second try! the other book we consulted a lot was the essential guide to lesbian conception, pregnancy and birth. we also have friends who pioneered the "brother of partner as donor" route...so that was incredibly helpful.

please feel free to ask me the nitty gritty questions about the process, i'm happy to answer, especially if you are considering trying this route...it was actually pretty basic: a jar, a syringe {without the needle}, and lots of pineapple eating were involved...

i'll give you another update after the ultrasound...

{photo credit here.}