what does a crunchy mama mean?

i'll post a holiday round up post soon...beatrice *loved* her kitchen...it was a real hit!  best $85 i've spent in a while...

lately i've been obsessing over babywearing... i began wearing beatrice very early on and i have a few different carriers, but lately i've been wanting more.  i've been spending time on various babywearing boards and have realized that it's a vast and diverse community.  and it's a community...there are so many women {and some men} out there, but it's still not very mainstream.  unfortunately, the norm is still those very uncomfortable baby bjorns...

and with every community, there is definitely diversity...but many babywearing mamas fall into the crunchy mama realm: natural birth, cloth diapering, babywearing, AP, non-vaxing, co-sleeping, eating organic, respecting the child, gentle parenting, etc.  i consider myself very crunchy, i definitely do all of the above, except the non-vaxing {my decision to vax is another, long post...}.  i'm pretty on the hippie side and i also fall on the liberal side.  my experience of "hippie" coming from the san francisco bay area {haight ashbury, berkeley, etc} has been that hippie or crunchy equals liberal.  well not so much in the mama-hood world...

i'm finding that many of the mamas on the boards are pretty conservative socially and quite religious.  there is definitely a faction of mormon mamas who are very crunchy.  and i have to admit: this is a bit unsettling for me sometimes...it definitely puts me on guard a little bit when i'm posting or on the forums.  i find myself using the partner word but avoiding the she pronoun for fear of being judged.

however, i know that by withholding information and assuming that i will be judged, that i'm the one doing the judging...i'm the one judging them and assuming that their views will not be accepting of me.  what would that say to my daughter?  don't be yourself, for fear of being judged?  that's certainly not a message i want to send her.  so in order to practice my philosophy of leading by example, i'm working on acceptance on my part...

{photo of me wearing bea at an outfest fundraising event}

steady as she grows {one year}...a little late!

so this post is about a week late...beatrice turned one year on sept thirteenth...we had a picnic birthday party for her in the park at the silver lake rec center...lots of her little friends came and my aunt, who is a children's librarian read stories & lead us all in rhymes and songs.  we made cute bee puppets as party favors and i made her a bee birthday crown...it was a really sweet day!

beatrice is really coming into her own...she is walking, babbling and developing her own preferences. she's picked up a few signs: milk, dog, more and all done. she definitely has a sweet tooth like her mama...those crumbs you see on one of the pictures are from the banana muffin "cupcakes" i made for her party.  she still hasn't had any sugar other than fruit and molasses {iron rich!}...so those muffins were sweetened with molasses, applesauce and bananas, all of which she loves.  fruit is definitely her favorite...i'm working on making sure she gets the vitamins she needs from her food and making lots of things like small balls out of sweet potatoes with veggies and other goodies inside.  she loves to hold them and eat them herself.  she doesn't like me feeding her, but isn't quite able to feed herself with a spoon or fork, so the little balls she can hold work great.  {i'll post some recipes soon.}

she is fast...she loves running about and exploring!  she's also getting more cuddly and likes to sit in our laps for a book.  but not for long, she's off and running after a few pages usually!  she loves music and has started dancing!  she also loves going to drum and music circles...she loves shoes {yeah, like mother like daughter} and often insists on putting her shoes on when she's playing at home.  her laugh is contagious and she is quick to smile, flashing her two teeth on top and two teeth on the bottom.  she's very social and at play groups rarely looks for mama...she is off and exploring and socializing!

now...the big reason for the delay in posting:  i went back to work.  i while back, i posted about staying home with beatrice and my struggle with that.  again, i chose to stay home with beatrice, and to me feminism is all about choice.  unfortunately, going back to work wasn't entirely by choice...it was definitely out of financial necessity.  now, here's to say there aren't many positives to going back to work.  my main concern was beatrice, obviously.  since we try to adhere to the attachment parenting {ap}philosophy, i really thought it was important that her main caregiver was one of her parents.  i know that ap is possible with a working parent, but i felt very strongly about having a parent with her at least until she goes to pre-school.  so we decided to swap: i'm going back to work and patty is staying at home with beatrice.

this was a huge struggle for me.  i mean, i *live* for being a mom.  i love staying home with her, taking her to play dates, cooking for  her, washing her diapers, all of it.  so the thought of going back to work and leaving her for a significant part of the day was heart wrenching.  on top of it, i'm still breastfeeding. obviously, since she's one, it's not her main source of nutrition, but she loves it...and i do, too.  so i'm working out a schedule where i can work from home a few days a week, and on the days i go to the office, patty brings bea out during the day so we can have a mid-day nursing session.  thankfully where a work is a beautiful ranch in the santa monica mountains {even though it's a long drive}, it's a nice place for beatrice to play and frolic among the wildlife...

here's the one thing that made this decision easier: patty wanted to stay home with beatrice and have a chance to bond with her.  only good things can come from that!  she can go to all the parenting classes that i got to go to, she can meet beatrice's play mates, she can learn to wear beatrice on her back and take her on walks, she can bond with beatrice and she can see what being a stay-at-home mom is all about.  a friend said to me: "you are demonstrating to beatrice that your relationship is a true partnership and cooperative family."  i love that idea that because we are both primary care-givers, beatrice will understand the idea of cooperation and partnership.

so...it's still hard...only been a week...and there are definitely going to be hiccups!  but just these few days have taught me to focus on the positive and let go and let things happen the way they are meant to happen...beatrice will be fine...she'll be better than fine, in fact, because she is loved.  we are providing her with consistent and loving care and maximizing the her bond with both her parents.

music mondays {sia sings hole}

ok...so this is a terrible video and the guy singing along is kind of funny, but i had to post a video from the LA premiere of our movie, hit so hard.  after the screening, some amazing & talented friends performed with patty...this is a video of sia covering miss world!  patty & eric are playing with her...linda perry also covered violet!

it was a really fun night and i managed to go, wearing a sleeping beatrice with noise reduction headphones!  i stressed out for weeks about whether i should go or not...and honestly didn't decide for sure that i was going until 15 minutes before the event...beatrice never took the bottle, so i haven't really been away from her for very long.  which, honestly has really not been a problem.  i'm perfectly happy staying at home with her!  we have lots of fun outings during the day, so we're both pretty tired at night.  so i never felt like i was "missing out" on anything...until this event.  since it was the LA premiere of the movie, i really wanted to try to attend...hometown screening an all!  and we also announced that the film was picked up for distribution...and on top of all that, the amazing performance.  so i really felt like i'd like to attend.  

i was really concerned that i was "being a bad mom" by keeping beatrice out so late...i posted on a few of my favorite attachment parenting mom groups and a few of them suggested to just bring her...wear her so i can nurse her to sleep...i also thought about having her sleep in the car with a sitter so i could just run out and nurse her if she woke up, but honestly that seemed crazy to me...i figured bea would much rather just be with me, nursing or asleep in the ergo...

but really it couldn't have worked out better.  she ended up napping from 6-8pm, we left for the movie around 8:30pm and then hung out in patty's dressing room with toys...a few friends who also have kids were there visiting with us.  then she fell asleep in the ergo {while i was nursing her} at about 9:30pm...i then put on her headphones and watched the performance from the side stage backstage.  usually it's not as loud backstage as the speakers are facing the crowd.  she slept through the whole thing!  didn't even flinch...

this was a pretty big event, it takes *a lot* to get me out, so i don't think we'll try it again anytime soon...um, let's just say never...but i'm glad i went...and i guess when she's older i can tell her that she was there!  

what to wear...the baby!

since beatrice was about 2 weeks old, i've been wearing her...it has been one of the most amazing experiences of motherhood...i wear her when i do the laundry, shop, go for a walk, etc. it allows me to have freedom to get things done around the house while being close to her. everyday, i put beatrice in a sling and go for a walk. it's a win-win, i get exercise to work off the pregnancy weight and bea gets a nap. in fact, that's most often how beatrice naps, when she's in the carrier. here's a round-up of my baby-wearing gear:

{the moby}

my aunt gave me a moby wrap for a shower gift and i have to admit, i was a bit intimidated. it's basically a long piece of stretchy fabric. luckily, there are sling clinics at the pump station, which is a nearby baby store. once i went to a clinic to learn how to wrap it, i never looked back...it was amazing! the first time i put bea in it, she fell right to sleep. for the moby and any of the wraps, if you don't have a store nearby to help you use it, there are lots of tutorials on you tube. so don't be intimidated! it's so worth it...

i would just wrap it on myself in the morning, then take bea in and out all day. that way, if we drove somewhere, i didn't have to lug the carseat around when we ran errands! brilliant!

{woven wrap from lovey duds on etsy}

{woven wrap from lil peeper keepers on etsy}

woven wraps are similar to the moby except they have no stretch. they are still essentially a long piece of fabric to wrap your baby on your body. when beatrice got to about 16 pounds, someone at a babywearing clinic recommended i try a woven wrap as there is a little more support for a heavier baby. i love the woven wraps, very simple to put on, but i can't just put in on and wear it all day, taking the baby in and out. i have to wrap beatrice into the wrap. so, i don't use these wraps as often. they are beautiful, so i've mainly used them for "special" occasions. i purchased the black one for the new york premiere of our movie and it was great! i got tons of compliments on it, and beatrice slept like a dream. unfortunately, i didn't get any photos of me wearing it! oh well, next time there's a fancy premiere...

they are still relatively simple to use and again, thank god for you tube tutorials...

{the ergo}

this is my everyday, go-to carrier now that beatrice is a little heavier. it's great because it's simple to put on and there are still lots of options. i primarily wear beatrice on the front or on the back with this carrier, although you can wear baby on your hip and other positions. i love to put beatrice on my back to do things around the house. i can put her on my back and vacuum, do the laundry, clean out the kitchen cupboards {!}...anything, really, and beatrice will sleep soundly!

this carrier was great to travel with, as well. i could just pop it off and on and easily get her in and out when going through airport security, for example. i took it with me to austin when we went to sxsw. this is also the carrier that patty uses when she carries beatrice. super easy, but not the most fashionable...that's why i like to have a few different options.

if you are new to babywearing, definitely give it a go!