kicking off the love stories...

just in time for the overturn of prop 8, and leading up to valentines day,  our little love story kicks off a series over at sometimes sweet! check it out...

{photo credit: brett gurewitz}

mamas who inspire {heidi cicero}

well, now that i'm back in the work force and ignoring this blog, i thought i'd feature a mama who really inspired me to stay at home with beatrice as long as possible!  i love heidi's story for many reasons:  she's so fun and inspired with her child and really creates a sense of wonder and play...oliver is such a great kid and their family is so much fun...i mean they call themselves the chicken family and do a family dress up day as star wars characters!  how can you not love them...

she also never thought she wanted to have kids, so to see her really take on the mama role with all her heart is so inspiring.  we've had many conversations about how important it is to make time for your kids and what priorities are with a family.  although i've joined the ranks of working mamas for now, i know i'll be a stay at home mama again and heidi's immersion in that role is so inspiring...

heidi and i also spoke about feminism before i posted this...she was nervous about the way she portrays her role as a 1950's housewife...and you know, i think that's feminism too!!  feminism to me is making your own choices and loving your life and your role.  and heidi does that with gusto!

have you always wanted to be a mama?

I never thought I was going to be a mama. I was really happy being crazy auntie Mame in rhinestone caftans, and then I fell so in love with my sisters little girl Lily and we decided we would be crazy not to have a little chicken. 

tell me about your kid(s).

My amazing husband Andy and I have one boy named Olivio Kukui Cicero. We call him Oliver.  It's difficult to explain how incredible he is. He is kind and generous, loving and hysterically funny. Smart and and far more patient than me. I love looking at the world through his creative eyes. He is constantly teaching me to be a better person. Oliver is a super cool kid who can hang with the little ones or hold a stimulating conversation with the grown ups at the party (especially if the topic is Star Wars). The big six year old just walked into the room and he wants me to tell you his favorite color is green and his favorite animal is a rhino and that he is going to be a director. I think the Tim Burton exhibit made a very big impression on him. Once we decided to get preggers it happened super fast. 

what does stay at home mama mean to you?  do you miss your working life?

Does any mama really stay home ?  I am a glorified chauffeur between school, Karate and hangout's with his friends and mine. Sometimes I feel like I'm just as busy now as I was when I was working full time. I have a few clients that I dress and I'm starting a personal styling / costuming service for events, halloween, and theme parties. Because every woman or man deserves to be fabulous even if they're not a celebrity. I think everyone secretly likes to dress up, but not everyone loves to shop or has the time to find the perfect ensemble.   That's where I come in.  I kind of fancy myself a 1950's/60's  housewife, somewhere between Lucy and Laura Petrie (from the Dick van Dyke show). I know

 I will get a lot of flack for admitting this ( my sister in law is the editor for Ms. magazine.)  I can't help it though. I love being a mama and taking care of my family. I'm super happy when I can greet my man in the door way with a cool libation after a hard day at work wearing the perfect pink frock and cha cha heels. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in my own John Waters movie . I also appreciate how lucky I am that I don't have to work so I really like to pull my weight around the house.

what's your favorite thing about being a mama? how is your life different?
 I think my favorite part of being a mama is when Oliver looks up at me with those big brown eyes and says the magic words :" I love you Mama."  It's funny It feels sometimes like my life is the same but nothing is the same.


does alone time exist for you?  how do you take care of yourself?  what inspires you?
 During the school year I have lot's of alone time to do my projects and errands.  I am very inspired by mom's who find the happy balance in life.  My own parents were very supportive when I was a kid, even when I announced at the age of 7 that I wanted to be an actress like my older sisters. They always told me you could make anything happen. I think in order to be a terrific healthy mama today you need to have some projects or outlets that make you as an individual really happy. I think that is so important. We teach our kids to be creative individuals and if they aren't seeing you be one, well you get it.  We decided to go with the motto: "one and done." Although I had a really easy pregnancy , Oliver chose not to sleep regular hours for the first two years of his life. He was like a little cute vampire sleeping during the day and not at night.  So needless to say I was walking around like a zombie. Honestly, I love our decision.  We went from having no kids to having the most beautiful loving boy. You can't beat that! 


do you ever think you will return to the workforce?
Hmm maybe I will go back to acting and star in Oliver's first film.

mamas who inspire me {jillian lauren}

i was hoping to feature a mama a week, but mamas are well...busy!  although i've asked several mamas to participate, i knew that this might not be a weekly feature!  so i was thrilled to find a reply from my friend jillian lauren.  i've known jillian for a long time, but it wasn't until motherhood that we really got to know each other...jillian was a mama before i was, so i was able to watch her amazing journey unfold before we took our first steps towards having a child...


ever since i was young, i always thought adoption would be my way to motherhood...and although i gave birth to beatrice, i still feel that adoption is a beautiful and amazing gift and it could definitely be a way for us to continue to grow our family.  so jillian's story is especially inspiring to me as an adoptee and an adoptive mother.  jillian is a ridiculously talented woman and wicked smart.  i love that she is brutally honest about motherhood...the ups and downs...that means so much to me.  i am constantly striving for perfection, but in motherhood that's not possible.  what wonderful gifts jillian is able to give her son: love, honesty, humility and compassion.  and what a wonderful motherhood inspiration she is for us...

have you always wanted to be a mama?

Yes! But I definitely went through some dark times in my life when I doubted that I'd ever be able to pull it off. It took me longer than most people for me to really feel like I could properly care for myself. As soon as I had a basic handle on that, I knew I was ready for my family to grow.

how many kids do you have?  tell me about him?

I have one son named Tariku Moon. He's 3 1/2 and he's already gunning for world domination. This kid is a force of nature. I generally end my days weeping with exhaustion. He loves rock music and airplanes and dance parties and anything fast and dangerous. Come to think of it, I could describe his dad with that same sentence...

tell me about your adoption story.

 Scott and I tried to get pregnant for years and it got to a point where I was at a crossroads. I didn't want to continue down the road of fertility treatments and medical intervention. I just couldn't do it to my body anymore. I was adopted as a newborn and adoption has always been something I was interested in doing, so looking into it seemed like the next logical step. I met a woman who had adopted a child from Ethiopia and as soon as I looked at her photo album I just knew on some metaphysical level that my child was there. 

I did a bunch of research and read everything I could get my hands on and then Scott and I began the adoption process. it took about two years from the time we started to the day we got on a plane to Ethiopia to pick up our son. It was the most frustrating and wonderful and painful and incredible and mind-blowing time of my life. Until now that is. Motherhood blows it out of the water on all those fronts.

how do you balance your work/life load?

That's the million dollar question. I guess I never seem to find a satisfactory balance. There aren't enough hours in the day to be the kind of mom and the kind of artist I want to be. But both parenting and making art are such integral parts of who I am that I'm willing to keep banging my head against the wall trying to find that ever-elusive balance. 

what is your favorite thing about being a mama?  how is your life different?

My favorite thing about being a mama is my son's laugh. I've never had moments of such pure joy as when we're collapsing with laughter together. My other favorite thing about being a mama is how much I surprise myself every day- both in the ways I succeed and in the ways I fail and am forced to try again. 

How is my life different? How is my life not different? Absolutely everything about my life has been transformed by motherhood. Even the things that aren't obvious. The lens through which I look at the world has been profoundly altered. 

 

does "alone time" exist for you?  how do you take care of yourself?

Alone time does exist for me. I insist on it. Scott is a musician, so when he's out of town it's definitely harder. But usually his one-on-one time with Tariku is in the morning, so I'll use those hours to go exercise- to go for a run or a hike and just let the early morning quiet sink in. I also try to get to the occasional yoga or dance class- not as regularly as I'd like, but I take what I can get and it makes such a difference.

tell me about your job?  how does it affect you as a mother?  and how does motherhood affect your work?

I'm a writer and a performer and I think that in some ways it's a great job to have as a parent and in others it feels practically impossible. I often work from home, so I get to see T during the day- have lunch with him or give him a kiss when he takes a nap. I wouldn't trade it, but it can be hard to work with a toddler screaming for you at the bottom of the stairs. But he's used to it by now and so am I!

When I'm performing it's harder because it impinges on our evening hours together and I feel like that's generally the time when we're most connected. But it only ever happens in short bursts. The up side of being in the arts is that when Scott and I are around, we're around more than most parents with normal jobs. And when I have down time, I make sure to spend almost all of it with him. I have very little social life and that's fine with me. 

who/what inspires you as a mother?

I am inspired by my mom friends and other mom bloggers (like you!) every day. I think that our honesty and openness with each other as moms is such an essential component of feeling connected and staving off the loneliness. I'm particularly inspired these days by other moms who are fighting to make good creative work and to get it out there in the world. 

what other projects do you have besides work & family?

I don't really have any other projects! I've been knitting the same dog sweater for three years. I guess I have waves of being into cooking and gardening, but those things fall by the wayside more often than not. 

tell me about a typical day in your life.

I usually wake before the boys and slip out to run or do a quick early-morning yoga class. Then it's back for breakfast and the morning get-ready routine, which can seem like it takes anywhere from 15 minutes to about 12 hours on a bad day. Then I write from 9-4 and take over with Tariku after nap. We go to the park or ride bikes or jump on the trampoline. Anything to try to wear him out and insure a reasonable bedtime (good luck with that). Then it's dinner, bath, books, bed. We've got a real rock and roll lifestyle around here. 

wanna find out more about jillian:
website

twitter

blog

today mom contributor

the nest contributor

mamas who inspire me {jorjee douglass}

i've been wanting to start a little series about mamas who inspire me...inspiration comes in so many forms, from so many places: mamas i know in "real life," mamas from around the blogosphere, straight mamas, queer mamas, single mamas, married mamas, working mamas, stay at home mamas, work from home mamas, ap mamas, crunchy mamas, adoptive mamas, birth mamas, butch mamas, older mamas, younger mamas...i take some inspiration from across the board...i look to those who have joined the mama club before me for guidance and support...so i wanted to find out more about motherhood from them and share some of these women with you...


first up is one of my best friends....i've known jorjee douglass since the early 90's when we both lived in san francisco, rummaging through thrift stores, going to rock shows, and enjoying the pre-dot-com wild, artsy and free frontier that it was.  now that we have both found ourselves in los angeles, i'm not sure how jorjee even found time to respond to me...she wears so many hats: wife, mama, make-up artist to the stars, a founding member of the citizen's band, singer/songwriter, fashion icon, blogger...but i remember when she told me she was pregnant and how excited i was...she was probably one of my first friends to have a baby and somehow that made it seem more real for me...jorjee, being one of the most creative and fun people i know, is one of those mamas that brings love, light, magic and humor to her family and to everyone she meets.


have you always known you wanted to be a mama?
yes!  i have always known i'd be a mama, but coming from an overly large family of eight, i always thought i would adopt a child.  i used to dream of being adopted and treated like a queen. i never had the urge to have my own until it was almost too late--i was 40!

 {jorjee eight months pregnant performing with the citizen's band}

tell me about your kids.

i have one girl.  she just turned four.  her name is maude mary feathers boddie.  i can't just tell you about her without making this 100 pages long!  she is the smartest lady i know!  i love her and respect her so much, and that's just putting it mildly!  i wish i were her...ha ha, i don't really, but i'm just blown away by her awesomeness daily!

{maude, at two years old,  following in her mamas footsteps painting pretty faces}

how did you find out you were pregnant?

while i was at work.  i lived in new york at the time, but i was on a job in los angeles {payless shoes commercial!} and i could just tell!  it went something like this:  "i think i'm preggers i'm gonna go buy a test at cvs on the way to work" and i did.  when i had a break, i walked across the street and took the test in the public bathroom at peet's coffee.  positive!

since you are a working mama, how do you balance your work/life load?

i don't really balance it...i live like a junkie, i fill myself up as much as i can with my daughter and family when i have time off and don't see that much of my friends, that's my trade off.  but i have great quality time with maude.  when i work the days are 12-14 hours so it gets hard!  i try to arrange for her to come to set after school so we can hang out for at least an hour.

what is your favorite thing about being a mama?

i'm not really doing anything that differently...i think i've always been a mama!

does "alone time" exist for you?  how do you take care of yourself?

i go to a korean spa and soak every few months...i stay up late and watch bad tv or i get up before everyone else in the house.

tell me about your job?  how does it affect you as a mother?

i'm a make-up artist, so my daughter looks pretty all the time!  {laughs!}

who/what inspires you as a mama?

maude inspires me and her future well being.  come to think of it, i'm very inspired by my sister-in-law, liz.  she can do everything and does it in an awesome witchy way.  hello glitter play doh!

what other projects do you have besides work & family?

i am a founding member of the citizen's band, a performance troupe in new york...i also write things...and i've just started a hippie band collective with my husband and your wife called canyon people...we're making honest dirty rock'n'roll for all with a rotating cast of guest star characters!

wanna find out more about jorjee:
twitter
make up ghost blog
hello giggles contributor

same sex couple on us weekly contest

wow...i just found this on two chicks nest. very cool. go vote for them! and re-post. how great would it be if a same sex couple won?!?! from two chicks nest:

We, Matthew Ossenfort and Jeffrey Denke, have been selected as one of the top ten finalists in the US Weekly Dream Wedding contest. We are very excited!! Please help us make our dream wedding a reality!!

This is a great opportunity to further awareness and visibility regarding the need for marriage equality and help a happy gay couple's dream come true!

Voting begins TODAY and ends June 18th . Please take a moment to vote for us online at:

http://www.usmagazine.com/wedding/vote

Check the box next to our picture and then click “submit final vote” at the bottom.

As you know, presently, same sex marriage is not legally recognized in the state of New York. Casting a vote for Matthew and Jeffrey will not only help them achieve their dream wedding, but it will also further awareness regarding how important it is for every loving couple to have the right to get married. They will be featured in an article in this week’s US Magazine and with enough help and support from the community will have the opportunity to have their dream wedding!

“Our biggest obstacle was and remains the fact that it is not yet legal in New York for two people of the same gender to marry. This would in no way hinder us from going ahead with a ceremony. We are currently considering moving to CT where it would be legal. However, a lot of headway is being made to further same sex marriage in NY. In fact we are attending a Marriage Equality rally this weekend to help further the recognition regarding this need for legalization. “

Please pass this email along to help this couple make their dream a reality, and by spreading the word about the need for marriage equality.

Thank you all so much!

our psa...

we open the psa, but it's quick...don't blink!!  and our hands appear again at the end!  guess which ones are ours!  pass it along...

xox

another sad day for california...

some inspiring words from harvey milk on another sad day for california.  the california supreme court ruled to uphold prop 8 and uphold the marriages performed.  so i'm still married but no one else can get married...ridiculous.

we shot a psa...

we just finished shooting a psa for marriage equality.  very surreal experience being in front of the camera...i'm so used to being behind the camera.  the psa was a collaboration between f.a.i.r. (freedom action inclusion rights) and foundation, who produced the psa above.  this psa made it to tv, but we don't know if our psa will see any air time...most likely it will make the rounds on you tube and blogs....but i'll keep you posted when it comes out!

honeymoon in iowa, anyone?

hooray...they have started to issue marriage licenses in iowa today.  let's hope they don't get shut down, too.

{photo credit here}

taxation without representation

i have to be honest, here.  i totally forgot today was tax day, i filed so long ago.  but today is the day us second class citizens really get hit with the "taxation without representation" thing.  i still pay the same amount of taxes as anyone else, but i don't have the full rights of a citizen.

it's up to us to fight for our rights & make a difference.  here's an example of how we can do it, one person at a time.  check out her story here.  way to go.  thanks for leading the way.

{photo from brenda's banter via journal of a ___}

more tears, but not tears of joy...

this is a heart-wrenching example of why separate is not equal.  the marriage equality fight is not just for the piece of paper and the wedding day, it is for the same 1138 federal rights that heterosexual couples receive when they are married, which are denied to same-sex couples.  this couple is fighting to stay together...the woman has been granted a stay until april 22.  {i'm a little behind in my google reader, so i just stumbled across this on two chicks nest.}

this issue is not about having the perfect wedding day, this affects people's lives and families in a major way.  n at two chicks nest  moved to canada for similar reasons.  separate is not equal.

update below:

{via two chicks nest}

tears...

this brought tears to my eyes...this is iowa state senate majority leader mike gronstal (d) in response to minority leader paul mckinley's (r) request to co-sponsor a bill to bring up a vote to amend the constitution to reverse same-sex marriage equality.  

this man is a true ally.

{via two chicks nest}

so you're enGAYged launch

today the new site so you're enGAYged launches.  living in liberal los angeles {and not using many vendors to begin with}, i didn't run across much of the bias, ignorance and discrimination when planning our wedding as many others did.  a fellow bride and blogger {and photographer} has taken the matter into her own hands and created an online resource for the lgbt community {and their allies!} to find friendly, supportive vendors.  from kelly, the creator:

So You’re EnGAYged seeks to match same-sex and allied couples with wedding vendors who actively support LGBT rights and freedoms, including, but not limited to, same-sex marriage. By highlighting voices from within the LGBT community, So You’re EnGAYged further works to build a community that can dispense advice, recommendations, and support to couples in the wedding-planning process. As the wedding industry has grown larger and more ubiquitous, we hope to serve as a reference for those who seek vendors whose business practices align with deeply held values.

there are several guest bloggers in addition to kelly's own ideas and lists of vendors.  be sure to pay them a visit when planning your wedding of any stripe!

{photo credit: soinviting via so you're engaged}

supreme court live feed

the california supreme court will hear oral arguments tomorrow, thursday march 5 from 9am until noon, in three cases challenging the constitutionality of prop 8.  watch live here.

best acceptance speech of night

if you haven't seen it yet, it's worth a watch.  beautiful.  congrats to dustin lance black and sean penn.

other folks weddings: {amy & ana}

i was just catching up on one of my favorite bloggers, rock'n' roll bride, when i stumbled upon this.  what a gorgeous, lovely, carefree wedding.  the details are amazing.  the wedding was held in a historic opera house in new mexico--such a fantastic backdrop.  i love it all--the dress, the suit, the flowers! be sure to click through to the photographer, leigh miller's site to see the rest of the photos.  i watched her slideshow and cried. seriously.

enjoy! 

this has got to be one of my favorite backdrop couple photos--so whimsical!

i love the sweet home-made jams as a favor.  such a sweet, personal touch. 

congratulations to the happy couple!

photo credit leigh miller photography via rock'n'roll bride.

something old: freedom to marry week blog carnival

in celebration of the freedom to marry week, i'm participating in the other mother's blog carnival. the first post is "something old."  

i've shared my love for gertrude and alice before, and i've even shared the movie we made about this poem, however, i thought this was a perfect opportunity to post the text.

this is a love letter from gertrude stein to alice b. toklas on her birthday written in 1926:

To my baby on its birthday

My baby is a birdie sitting on a

bough, and the bough is hubby.

My baby is a forget me not, which makes

every bouquet lovely, and her

hubby is they bouquet for his lovey.

My baby is a treasure sitting on

its pleasure, and its pleasure is

its hubby

Blessed baby on its birthday.

My baby is so beautiful so tender

and so true so feeding full in

the most difficult days the

most lovely and cherished in all

its ways, oh blessed baby, I

just cry when I think how tenderly

you are me and I am thee,

oh baby sweet oh baby dear

oh baby tender oh baby

baby my baby my love my delight

baby my baby I hold you tight.

Baby on its birthday,

My baby on its birthday is tender

and sweet and true, my baby on its

birthday its hubby is all to you, he

loves you he adores you he is all yours

wifey mine, oh baby I do love you, 

I love you all the time and so

much more and so loving, baby my

delight, I love you oh baby blessing

I love you with all my might,

on your birthday and always bless

you oh bless you my wifey.

gertrude and alice lived for decades as "hubby and wifey."  it's nice to remember the ones who came before us.  honor them.  learn about them.  and be grateful for what they have done to help us get where we are today.  they all had different notions of relationships and marriage, but freedom to marry is freedom to love your partner as you choose.

gertrude and alice

djuna and thelma

natalie and romaine

sylvia and adrienne

virginia and vita

dorothy and marion

phyllis and del

robin and diane

have more to add to the list?  post a comment.

photo credit here.

freedom to marry week

this week is freedom to marry week.  over at the other mother, she's started a blog carnival.  since i've been in a posting desert lately, i thought this would be a fun and informative way to blog this week.  here is the schedule:

tuesday feb 10: something old

wednesday feb 11: something new

thursday feb 12: something borrowed

friday feb 13:  something blue

saturday feb 14:  valentine's day, celebrate love

what a great way to keep up the conversations. 

other folks weddings: {mary-kate & dave}

i've been meaning to post these photos for a while now, but life got in the way of blogging.  since i'm unemployed, what better way to pass my free time than with some blogging...

these are photos from the talented katie malone.  she's a flickr contact of mine & i found her photos through her holga weddings group.  our photographer, chris strother, used the holga for some of our photos and they ended up being some of my favorites.  so, i started to get interested in the holga and other "non-traditional" types of photos and processing.  i've posted katie's own wedding photos before here and here, but these are photos she took of mary-kate & dave's wedding.  

mary-kate and dave's wedding took place last fall on a farm outside of asheville, nc.  mary-kate had lots of beautiful vintage details, such as milkglass and hobnail glassware.  i love the look of

 the photos...it makes me think of an old time 1930's circus (which is what they were going for, they tell me!).  katie used the holga, as well as color and black and white infrared film in this sampling.  see the entire fantastic set here.  congratulations to mary-kate and dave!!! 

photo credit: katie malone

"hubby/wifey"

this video was directed by my dear friend, todd hughes, and produced by his husband, p. david ebersole.  they officiated our wedding {which i still need to post--it was beautiful, funny and suited us perfectly!}.  this is a love letter from gertrude stein to alice b. toklas, that todd made come alive.  we did this several years ago {2001, i think} as part of the silver lake film festival, of which p. david and i have both been festival directors.  i was fortunate enough to work on the project doing the costumes.  

although we did this a while ago & it has made the film festival circuit, it just seemed especially timely now.  two women who lived together as "hubby & wifey" at a time when "gay marriage" was not even a thought!  we've come so far, yet gertrude and alice remind us how long the struggle has lasted.  

it was recently on exhibit as part of "prop 8: love not hate" in los angeles at the antebellum gallery.  

enjoy!