"hubby/wifey"

this video was directed by my dear friend, todd hughes, and produced by his husband, p. david ebersole.  they officiated our wedding {which i still need to post--it was beautiful, funny and suited us perfectly!}.  this is a love letter from gertrude stein to alice b. toklas, that todd made come alive.  we did this several years ago {2001, i think} as part of the silver lake film festival, of which p. david and i have both been festival directors.  i was fortunate enough to work on the project doing the costumes.  

although we did this a while ago & it has made the film festival circuit, it just seemed especially timely now.  two women who lived together as "hubby & wifey" at a time when "gay marriage" was not even a thought!  we've come so far, yet gertrude and alice remind us how long the struggle has lasted.  

it was recently on exhibit as part of "prop 8: love not hate" in los angeles at the antebellum gallery.  

enjoy!

lost at sea

sorry for the lack of posts...since the prop 8 debate, i've been in a bit of limbo about what direction to take the blog.  i started blogging about the planning of my own wedding and the excitement just built as we won the right to get legally married.  then after our wedding, the election and the subsequent loss of rights became a focus.

then, the rallies, the community and the activism dominated the blog.  now, i'm not sure which way to go and feeling a little lost.  it's hard to post about weddings when the future of weddings is in question...i have to admit, it's tough blogging about weddings when i know most of my friends can't get married.  again, it must be said, i started this blog BEFORE we even had the right, but somehow it seemed so much more exciting then, i knew we didn't have the right to get married, but f*ck it, let's do this anyway...that was my attitude.  but i feel like it's a bit of innocence lost now.  i feel like i was on an emotional roller coaster:  we got the right and the excitement that came with it, then the strong feelings that came with losing that right and then my realization that there are so many people out in the world donating money and working hard to take my rights away...it all just gives me a bad taste in my mouth.  

i didn't want this to be a political blog and i wanted it to be fun and inspirational, but my bubble has burst...

so, sorry for the lack of posts.  i don't feel much inspiration right now.  i'm really just trying to figure out what direction to go in.

photo credit:  print from treatzone on etsy.

bridal brigade featured on "a practical wedding"

such an honor, meg over at a practical wedding has featured the bridal brigade!  having my friends involved in the wedding was such a blessing...i have such lovely, talented and gifted friends, and their effort made our wedding outstanding.  i wanted to involve our community in our wedding, rather than just hire a planner.  the idea for the brigade--having friends participate in the planning of the wedding--came to me after i abandoned the potluck idea.  i wanted friends and family participating in the wedding, not just observers and hence the bridal brigade!  i wanted to showcase people's talents, but i also didn't want to burden them with too big of a project, that's why the idea of several close friends worked so well.  everyone participated in the way that they felt comfortable...since there were so many, people could pick and choose different projects that suited them.

i also didn't want to be fussy with the outfits--as i've mentioned before, i told everyone to wear whatever they wanted as long as it was in the pink and brown family...that way everyone's individual style came through.  i also really didn't want anyone going out to purchase an outfit that they would never wear again!  

in fact, this blog was born because of the bridal brigade...i used it initially as a way to communicate projects, inspiration and ideas with the brigade and it grew from there.  the wedding was such a community effort and we felt so supported throughout the entire process.  it was a great way to see friends, too!  i loved having friends over to craft and assemble items for the wedding, it made it so much more special!

all my love & thanks to the lovely, talented bridal brigade:

{clockwise, from my left}

georgia:  the brigade general--planning & all details!

linda: diy projects, thrifting & opera singing

kate {and mary, her mom, not pictured}:  my beautiful bouquet & flowers, the garden

moore: vegan cupcakes & diy projects

danny: cupcakes, usher & the serenity prayer

craig: diy projects, thrifting, wedding dress help, usher & the serenity prayer

antonia: diy projects & lovely, fun reading

romy: diy projects, photography support & the gift of song

leslie:  love from sf, my beautiful tattoos

melissa: thrifting, diy projects, patty's cufflinks, wedding dress help & beautiful reading

not pictured, but instrumental help on day of the wedding:

roz:  my make up & hair, patty's grooming

pamela, shrader, kelly & donyale:  transforming the seating area to the dining area 

what an amazing, special day thanks to all of our fantastic friends & community.  

protest across the nation

los angeles, ca

houston, tx

washington, dc

chicago, il

chico, ca

unfortunately, i didn't take any photos this past saturday {of all days, i forgot my camera}.  there are amazing photos on the jointheimpact.com flickr photo stream here.  you can see photos from cities all across the nation.  if you have photos, you can post them on their stream as well.  it brought tears to my eyes looking at the numbers of protesters who came out in the name of equality.  in some cities there were only a handful, in others, tens of thousands.  the cities with a only a few people really brought tears to my eyes,  just thinking about the courage it took for those 7 or 10 people to stand out in front of their city hall for what they believe in.  

you can see the numbers yourself here, but here's a taste:

Anchorage, AK 100

Montgomery, AL 7  {the note for source says, "i counted."}

Chico, CA 700

Los Angeles, CA 12,000

Boulder, CO 850

Washington, DC 5,000

Ft Meyers, FL 1 

Orlando, FL 1,000

Honolulu, HI 350

Des Moines, IA 150

Chicago, IL 10,000

New Orleans, LA 500

Boston, MA 7,000

Baltimore, MD 450

Jackson, MS 130

Fargo, ND 250

Las Vegas, NV 1,500

New York, NY 10,000

Cleveland, OH 350

Eugene, OR 200

Corpus Christi, TX 18

Aberdeen, WA 14

thanks across the states & across the world {there are some international numbers up there} for standing with all of us for equality, justice and love.

photo credits here.

reduce, reuse, recycle: {b*tch & switch}

this weekend, a bunch of us girls are going to get together for one of our "bitch & switch" parties.  here's how it works:

1.  clean out closet

2.  bag up clothes {cream of the crop only}

3.  assemble at someone's house {potluck, bring a snack!}

4.  swap clothes!

5.  go home with some "new" clothes & the rest {not swapped} goes to goodwill {or take it & sell it at crossroads}

it's a fun way to reduce your closet, weed out some great stuff that you just never wear & invigorate it with some "new" pieces from your fashionable friends.  {you know you've been coveting your best friends sweater, maybe she's sick of it!}  we've had several & i have some great finds from the parties.  it's also a fun reason to get together--we usually do a simple snack potluck.  we need energy for shopping!  we only bring the "cream of the crop" to swap {no one really wants your old pajamas}, and someone volunteers to take the "leftovers" to goodwill, or one can always bring home & sell it at a crossroads or someplace similar.

join me at city hall

there will be an international rally tomorrow at city halls across the country and beyond.  to find out more information, but sure to join here.  10:30am pacific time and 1:30pm eastern time.  there are still several cities that need organizing help, so be sure to check your city on the website.

love & equality for all. repeal prop 8.

other folks weddings: {katie & clinton}...the ACTUAL holgas

here are the actual holga photos from katie & clinton's wedding...lovely!

photo credit ken stabile.

other folks weddings: {katie & clinton}...holga photos

i stumbled upon these amazing wedding photographs on flickr.  then i started a conversation with the bride, katie, and it turns out she's a photographer as well.  i'll post photographs she has taken of other weddings later, but these images from her own wedding are just amazing.  for these images, her photographer, ken stabile, used a holga camera, the same toy camera our photographer used for some of our photos.  i just love the effect, so haunting, vintage, timeless and ethereal.  

katie & clinton are truly a creative couple:  katie is a teacher, photographer & collector and her husband, clinton is a glass artisan.  they were married at a beautiful outdoor park setting in massachusetts.  congratulations to the happy couple! 

see more of their lovely wedding photos here (they have other photos besides just the holgas!).

**UPDATE:  the lovely bride (and much more of a photography expert than I am!!) sent me an correction:  these photos are NOT holga, but rather black & white infrared.  stunning nonetheless.

photo credit ken stabile.

hooray for connecticut!

i was driving last night from work on my way to a vigil/rally at the mormon temple when i heard that connecticut performed the first same sex wedding.  despite the legal battles we are contending with here in california, this is a joyous occasion.  

congratulations to the first couple to wed, jennifer vickery and peg oliveira.  i wish the couple much joy and happiness for years to come.

photo credit here.

other folks weddings: {shannon & monika}

what a beautiful day & a beautiful couple.  shannon & monika got married at san francisco's city hall on nov 4, 2008 (election day).  i love the setting & all the no on prop 8 support!  congratulations to the couple & best wishes for a happy married life.

more photos & credit here.

thank you prop 8 supporters

this past weekend, i visited with one of my bridesmaids in northern california.  i drove up with another friend & we met 2 other friends from LA while we were there.  of course, we had many hours of thought-provoking discussions about prop 8, what it meant, what we could have done differently and what we need to do next.

i'm not going to play the blame game here or ponder how we could have run the campaign differently.  rather, i'm going to thank the prop 8 supporters--yes, THANK them.  had it not been for their money and enormous efforts, our civil rights & gay rights may not have been pushed into the national spotlight.  in fact, because of the passage of prop 8, the world is now watching.  i've had notes of support from scotland, england and ireland.  this is not going away.  there's a silver lining here.  like richard bach said:  "every problem has a gift for you in it's hands."  had there been no prop 8, we would have gotten married quietly and stayed under the radar.  now it's our responsibility to fight for the rights of gays and lesbians not only in  california--but across the country.  so thank you prop 8 supporters for putting our rights on the national agenda.  

of course i'm disappointed that it passed.  but it's time to make lemonade and count our blessings.  our community will respond with petitions, actions, protests, inspiration & wisdom.  and now the world is watching.

more photos and credit here.

wedding details: {vows}

i need a break from the political posts & i thought what a better time to focus on my vows?  at first, i wasn't going to post my vows, i felt like they were too personal to post.  but after the activities of the last month and especially the last week, i thought why not share my love & commitment to patty with you...it is what is really important.  not the piece of paper from the state.  regardless of what happens in the state and political sphere, we will always have our vows.

here are mine to patty.  i based them on vows that i found on snippet & ink.   i loved the format and some of the wording, but i re-wrote some & tweaked some others.

i promise to love you unconditionally, 

with passion & enthusiasm.

i promise my loyalty and that i will stand by your side

through hard times as well as the good.

i promise to respect you as the guardian of your own individuality

and celebrate and accept you as you are.

i promise to be true to myself so that i may share my life with you.

i promise to surrender my will

to the care of the higher power that brought us together.

i promise to be patient with our differences

and to remember that they imbue our relationship 

with resilience, strength and humor.

i promise to recognize my humility 

and continue to share the joy of laughter with you.

i promise to keep our relationship fresh and lively

and to always remember that you are my lover 

and my beloved.

i promise to do what i can to stay healthy and fit

in body and mind so that i may age gracefully

by your side.

i promise to help create a home that is welcoming,

inclusive, spirited and inspiring.

i promise to look within and recognize our abundance

and live my love with you with honesty, love, compassion, acceptance and gratitude.

i promise to cherish your family as my own.

i promise to love you all the days of my life 

and to be with you in spirit even after i die.

thank you from the bottom of my heart

thank you for all your notes, wishes, support, love, posts, comments, etc.  although no on prop 8 has conceded we will not give up.  i attended the rally last night in west hollywood & i literally felt the support & love.  yes, this is a fight, but a fight for love & equality.

what more can you do?  well, keep reading the blogs & stay connected, as two chicks nest so eloquently suggested.

most of all, i just wanted to say thank you.  i have so much to be grateful for:  an amazing wife, fabulous friends, supportive family, my health, my dogs, a roof over my head, a supportive blogging and online community, i live in a beautiful country where homosexuality is legal & there is peace on our shores, obama was elected president...the list goes on & on.  with that in mind, i am truly happy, no matter what.  it's far from over, but i am fighting with love in my heart & from a place of gratitude.  thank you.

sweet gratitude card from mnotes on etsy.

time to challenge the legality of prop 8

so a petition against prop 8 has been officially filed.  check out pam's house blend for details. 

am i a second class citizen? the results don't look good.

i'm not quite sure what to write today.  so i'll keep it short.  i'm feeling so much more disappointment, sadness and hatred (towards me) that i expected i would.  when we planned to get married, it was before the june supreme court decision...so we didn't even expect to have the "right" to marry.  but to have it for 5 short, sweet months & then have it ripped away is incredibly jarring.  i'm trying to "keep the faith" as geoff kors urged folks to do at the SF "victory" rally last night, but i'll admit, it's hard.  i'm feeling really dejected.  

i feel like a "debbie downer," not able to participate in the celebration.  when obama says, "america is a place where all things are possible," it's hard to feel included.  

i'm sure tomorrow i'll be feeling much more positive & ready to fight for the rights of all citizens, but right now i'll take my "personal day."

patty & i are still MARRIED and our love is stronger than ever...no one can take that away.  

i'll just stick to my mantra today:  steady happy, steady happy, steady happy...

geoff kors posted election results here

marriage rights for all!

just got back from volunteering for the NO ON PROP 8 campaign at the polls all morning!!  had about 90 % NO & 10% yes at the poll i worked in the la cienega area!  let's hope we trend that way at all the california polls!  

all you need is love.  marriage rights for everyone.  NO ON PROP 8.

don't forget to vote! {no on prop 8}

i'll be working the polls tomorrow morning reminding everyone to preserve marriage rights for EVERYONE, vote no on prop 8!!!

we had a {real wedding}

kathryn at snippet & ink featured our wedding as part of her {real weddings} series.  if you haven't checked out snippet & ink, you are in for a real treat.  kathryn puts together the most amazing inspiration boards & always has fantastic tips.  i literally consulted her blog everyday {sometimes multiple times a day!} and even though the wedding is over, i still love to read her blog.

thanks so much to kathryn for including us & writing such a thoughtful, lovely post.  see the post here.

all you need is love.  equality for all.  please vote no on prop 8.

wedding details: {holga}

our photographer, chris strother, was amazing.  {i know i've said that a lot, but i'm so grateful she was able to shoot our wedding.} she shot color digital, black & white film & panoramic and also with the amazing holga camera.  sometimes referred to as a "toy camera," the effects are simply stunning from these little cameras.  it really captures the vintage feel that we wanted at the wedding.

all you need is love.  equality for all.  vote no on prop 8.

wedding details: {dress}

many folks have asked me about my wedding dress.  it is vintage from approximately 1927-1932.  i found it at the vintage fashion expo when it came through santa monica.  the vendor was called "the butler's cottage" and she was from the bay area.  she had the most amazing collection of vintage wedding gowns at the expo!  i think i tried on at least 20 dresses at her booth alone.  judith butler, the proprietress, was so lovely and helpful.  she was honest and kind and helped me find the perfect gown.  it was actually a white vintage slip, with an ecru lace gown over the slip.  i don't know if you can see the details, but the lace is so delicate and amazing.

if you are lucky enough to be in the bay area, or in a city where the vintage fashion expo passes through, definitely check her out.

wedding details: {chanteuses}

my friends are the most talented, lovely ladies.  i was so blessed to have them all help with every wedding detail from cupcakes to tipping the valet.  two of the girls from the bridal brigade both sang love songs for us.  linda sang a beautiful operatic aria and romy sang "that's how strong my love is."  

love is all you need.  vote no on prop 8.  don't take away fundamental rights.

hubby wifey

speaking of semantics, now that we are {legally} married, patty & i are having a hard time deciding what to call each other.  she calls me "wife" most of the time, but what to call her?  she doesn't really like to be called "wife," but then again, she prefers "husband," but it doesn't quite fit.  the origin of the word "husband" is from the old english & old norse "husbonda," literally meaning "house-holder."  so we could redefine the word to suit our needs.  however, if i refer to her as my "husband" when she's not around, folks usually assume i'm married to a man, which i'm not.  we both don't really love "partner," either, as it seems so, well, business like.  what about spouse?  that is gender-neutral, but awkward.  do we come up with our own words?  change the definition of the existing words?

gertrude and alice called each other "hubby" and "wifey," which i quite like. 

with all the talk of the word "marriage," and whether or not we deserve it, what do we call each other now that we have it?

first image by cecil beaton from "gertrude stein in words and pictures."

second image by carl mydans.

separate is not equal

my health benefits are contingent on how many hours i work during a given period.  this past year, i didn't work enough hours, so i lost my benefits for a few months.  i just recently got them back, so i received the welcome packet in the mail.  the last time i got the welcome packet, patty & i were merely domestic partners.  i tried to add her to my health care benefits.  here's what we had to provide:

-  our certificate of domestic partnership

-  proof that we have a shared bank account for at least one year

-  proof that we share some sort of living arrangement (a lease or mortgage that is signed by BOTH of us)

-  an affidavit that all the above is true that has been notarized

when i tried to add her, we didn't have the joint lease (patty was on it but i wasn't) so i couldn't add her to my health care.  this time, now that we are MARRIED, here's what i had to provide:

-  a marriage license

that's it.  nothing else.  just one copy.  we didn't have to prove anything.  so i made the copy & sent it off in the mail.  done.

please don't tell me that domestic partners and marriage are the same.

image from awesome etsy seller LemonDrops2.

hemp snack packs

how cute are these?  they are little snack packs that are made from hemp and reusable.  what a great idea for edible favors. then folks can reuse the packs again and again after the wedding.  love it.  found at abeego on etsy.

wedding details: {potted moss centerpieces}

i've been seeing a lot about potted centerpieces around the blogging world.  earth friendly weddings wrote about lovely moss & over at 2000 dollar wedding, sara posted some beautiful potted herbs as centerpieces.

while ours were much more simple than either of the above, i love what kate did.  she found beautiful, green, lush pots of moss & placed them in the middle of the table.  that was the centerpiece.  nothing else.  i loved how it looked--it was simple, green, lush and beautiful.  and some folks took them home...the rest we planted in the garden.

so very happy

i've seen this artist around the blog world, but i thought i'd share.  her work is so sweet & inspiring.  i love this one...it reminds me of what abe lincoln once said, "people are just about as happy as they make up their minds to be."  to me, that means i have a choice to be happy.  and with all this crazy prop 8 back and forth--it's hard not to take it personally and feel the stress.  so i'm going to be happy today.  check out studio mela on etsy for more sweet art.

wedding details: {music}

since patty is the musician, she was in charge of the music.  one thing that patty insisted on was the string quartet.  we decided to spend some money there and forgo the dj.  the string quartet was amazing...very traditional, but we made it our own.  the leader of the quartet was a good friend's sister, so it was so comfortable and easy to work with her.  

while the guests were being seated, they played traditional "wedding" classical music.  during the processional, we asked them to play pachelbel's canon {very traditional, but we both love it}.  then, when patty walked down the aisle, they played a string version of her favorite love song "tangerine" by led zeppelin!  back to canon for the bridesmaids, then they played my favorite love song "wild horses" by the rolling stones.  we saved the best for last:  for the recessional we had them play "you shook me all night long" by ac/dc!

it was great to have the traditional strings play some of our favorite songs...the family appreciated the strings, while all our friends recognized the songs!  it couldn't have been better.

wedding details: {cup cake tiers}

this was probably our most fun, but most involved diy project--the cupcake tiers.  we probably spent a total of 4 of the project brigade weekend afternoons working on them.  we bought the plates from thrift stores, garage sales and some from ebay.  the stemware all came from thrift stores {i tried to stay under 50 cents per glass!} and garage sales.  

first we used a pencil to trace the glass on the plate.  that way, we could make sure that the tiers lined up properly.  then we put some epoxy on the glass and on the circle we had drawn on the plate, pressed together & voila.  

we made some that were only one tier, and some that were up to four tiers.  the result was magnificent.  comment me if you want more details about the diy project.