dusty blog...cough, cough...

yes, this blog is dusty...my daughter's favorite book right now is odd duck, by cecil castellucci.  i read it almost daily.  there's a page where the heroine, theodora (the odd duck?...no spoilers here, you gotta get the book), goes to the library and checks out books that "haven't been checked out in years," as max the librarian says as he's coughing and dusting them off.  that's a little bit how i feel about this blog right now.  i took i hiatus, but i didn't really announce it...and i'm still not sure if i'm back.  i'm blogging for brands now, so that seems to take up a lot of my time.  also, i've been really struggling about how much should i be blogging about my daughter on the internet?

this whole blog started out personal...our wedding...then beatrice...when she was a baby, it didn't bother me so much, but now that she's getting older, becoming a girl, i hesitate. for some reason posting pictures on instagram and twitter doesn't seem to bother me so much, but the act of sitting down and posting photos and writing about beatrice just doesn't seem to sit right with me.  but some of my favorite bloggers blog about their families and children all the time...in fact, that's what i love about them so much...i feel connection, i can see the authenticity...i love the glimpse into their family...it's like taking a walk at night, i love it when houses are all aglow and i can see inside, i love to crane my neck to see if i can get a glimpse of what is going on inside my neighbor's house.

i've been writing and editing a lot lately too for my job, so sometimes after sitting at the computer all day long, the last thing i want to do is sit down and the computer and write some more.  we're trying to raise beatrice, at least in the early years, without screens, and that includes this one i'm staring at...so it's also not something i feel comfortable doing with her around.

i don't know what the answer is, but i know i love the amazing people i have met through blogging and i still have great relationships with them.  some of their blogs are personal, some have transformed into something much bigger.  i'm not sure how this blog will transform or what the next steps will be, but i'm putting myself back out in the universe and seeing what will return.

i'd love to hear your thoughts on blogging about your kids...

{photo credit: emily ulmer}

happy valentine's day!

happy valentine's day!  this year, we continued our family valentine's tradition of attending the true pablove event!  last year was the first year and patty & i volunteered...beatrice was only five months old, so i wrapped her up in my moby wrap and she was snug as a bug.  

true pablove is a family event to raise money for the pablove foundation: fighting childhood cancer with love.  this organization is really close to our hearts as it was started by our dear friends jeff and joann, in memory of their son pablo, who died in 2009 from cancer.  

the event was so fun and so joyous--there was gymnastics, ice cream, pizza, tacos, music and crafts, crafts, crafts galore!  we loved being able to give back to the community and have a wonderful time doing it.  i said to patty, however: "i wish we didn't have to do this...i wish there wasn't a true pablove event.  i wish that kids didn't get cancer." but kids do get cancer.  to which patty responded: "jeff and joann  have been able to use their story to give joy and help to others."  so true, jeff and joann are some of the the most amazing, positive people i've come across in my life and i'm honored to know them and so grateful that we are able to help in even just a small way.  the work that pablove foundation does is so important and they have found a way to infuse joy and positivity and love while helping children who need it most...

happy valentine's day send your love out to those who need it...help fight childhood cancer with love! 

{photo from the fotomatic booth at true pablove!  bea kept looking at the little screen on the bottom and not at the camera...}

and the band played on for diane...

a good friend of patty's lost her battle with breast cancer this weekend.  she was only 31.  and while i didn't know diane very well, this loss seems especially profound...diane was such a sweet and caring soul.  i always looked forward to her posts on facebook, as inevitably there were pictures of her in all her vintage fashion glory.  she ran a magazine about vintage fashion called zelda and also threw fabulous vintage parties called wit's end.  

we saw her last in march, when we were in new york for the hit so hard premiere. she was in amazing spirits and health, and one would never know she was sick...i honestly thought she was in remission and had it "beat."  i'm so grateful we made time to see her while we were in new york as she was a good friend to patty...

my heart goes out to her boyfriend, friends and family...i especially can't imagine what her mother is going through now...experiencing the loss of one's child, whether six or thirty-one...i don't even have the words...

with all the breast cancer awareness and charities, it just seems simply mind boggling that we lose such young and vivacious souls to this disease...

so please send love & light diane's way and cherish your loved ones...

my sweet girl...

beatrice turns 9 months today. i know it's music mondays, but it's also the 13th, and that's bea's birthday...

i cannot believe she is 9 months. she's been out in the world now as long as she was in my belly. she has such curiosity, wonder and awe. and, i am in awe of her. everything is new and wonderful and she goes for it with gusto. there is no holding back with beatrice. crawling like a wildfire down the hallway, nothing can stop her. she's pulling herself up to standing and balancing more and more everyday. that first step is probably closer than i'd like to admit. after a slow start on solids, she's sampling everything that is presented to her. she loves avocados, broccoli, zucchini muffins {homemade by me with no sugar, just a little molasses and homemade applesauce}, rice and beans, potatoes, lentils, swiss chard, peaches...the list goes on...

she's still breastfeeding like a champ, and we are still baby-wearing, co-sleeping and cloth diapering. staying at home with her has been the most amazing experience of my life. i am so grateful that my partner has been able to help make this happen. we've made some adjustments...but the material things don't matter, as long as we can keep her healthy, fed, and with a roof over her head, we are doing ok today.

i had no idea motherhood would be so amazing and i savor each minute of each day. thank you, beatrice for the opportunity to be your mama.

steady as she grows {sixteen weeks}

first of all, happy friday! i'm late on this post this week...

sixteen weeks is four months...so unbelievable that beatrice has been with me for four months...we're out of her so-called 'fourth trimester,' where she nurses and sleeps all the time...it's amazing to see her take in the world and learn to grasp, smile, laugh and start to play...

i'm so excited to continue to watch her grow and get to know her personality, but i really love this stage--she's such a small little bundle that still falls asleep when nursing. what an amazing gift that i've been able to nurse her, i hope that i can keep it up for at least a year, if not longer...

i've been reading about how facebook deleted, then re-instated, then deleted, then re-instated {confused yet?} the breastfeeding support page, the leaky b@@b...it really saddens me that the natural process of a mother feeding her child can be so provoking. breastfeeding obscene? really? i'm so grateful that i've had nothing but support as a breastfeeding mom. there's really nothing more amazing that a mom can give her child...

she's wearing:

first three photos

{baby gap dress & luvette leggings}

{hand-me-down socks}

{blanket hand-knit by my grandma for me when i was a baby!}

last photo

{splendid thermal}

happy friday...donate toys!

happy friday, folks!

what are you up to this weekend? if you are in los angeles, please consider donating toys to children's hospital los angeles. they have run out of toys! it breaks my heart to think of kids in the hospital at all, let alone on christmas, so please consider brightening one child's life this season...since they only accept new toys, i try to purchase eco-friendly wooden toys, that are safe and non-toxic. these kids are already so exposed to toxins, why expose them to more...

in fact, continue to spread the love for children with cancer, eschew the gift giving frenzy and for the adults in your life, consider a donation to a favorite charity. one of my favorites is the pablove foundation, fighting childhood cancer with love. the foundation was started by our friends, jeff & jo ann, who lost their sweet boy, pablo to cancer. they have turned their struggle into an amazing foundation that helps other kids...truly an inspiration.

{photo credit: oompa.com}

happy friday...

so i was off to such a good start posting every day, then i had to go away and it all went down the tubes. it's been quite a week, i went home to a funeral, celebrated my aunt's birthday, visited with family, showed off bea to my parents' friends {at their urging, of course}, mourned a lost dog, celebrated the safe return of said dog, found out another favorite dog has heart disease, talked to the vet after one of our long-time client dogs got out of surgery, and did more work on a project that will hopefully allow me to spend more time at home with the baby...phew...

the passing of my friend's brother at the much too early age of 36 really put things in perspective. the funeral was a wonderful celebration of his short & full life...the church was full of friends and family, it was quite a showing. since this was a friend from childhood, there were many faces from the past at the funeral that i hadn't seen in ages. of course it was great to see them, but too bad such unfortunate circumstances brought us together. i brought baby bea and when i hugged my friend at the service, she said, "i'm so glad you brought her, it reminds me of the cycle of life and that life continues on..."

i'm so grateful for all the friends, family, dogs and love in my life.

have a wonderful weekend! i'm going to put together posts for next week, do lots of laundry, go to the farmer's market, spend time with friends, family & dogs, and of course nurse the baby...

{photo credit: snappy bex on flickr}

sweet boy...

i'm not a mom yet, but i can't imagine the incredible love, courage and bravery of this mom, lynn of satsuma press. her sweet boy, liam, has a neuromuscular disorder called spinal muscular atrophy type 2 and they are raising money to remodel the bathroom to accomodate liam's wheelchair.

another example of putting things into perspective and being grateful for every moment of every day.

help liam's cause & learn more here.

bask in the glow of pablo

it's so easy to get caught up in the blogs and go into a "compare & despair" mode...my wedding wasn't as blank, i don't have as much money as blank and i want blank, if i only had blank, things would be better...blah, blah, blah...{thanks, esb for reminding us we all have what we need.}

this weekend, i was reminded that i really truly have everything i need. i was literally jolted into a change of perspective. as we were walking to a 4th of july barbeque, we walked past dangerbird records and saw the painting on the side of the building dedicated to pablo castelez, a sweet six-year old boy, who days earlier had lost his battle with cancer. i started sobbing...this sweet, innocent little boy had fought so courageously with a terminal disease and i'm worrying about whether or not i should buy this or that...what a way to put things into perspective. i have a rich, beautiful and full life and i'm grateful for each moment of the day.

i'd been following pablo's dad's blog about pablo for a few months. {pablo's dad, jeff, is an old work acquaintance of patty's, and although i've never met pablo or his dad, i felt a very close connection to them.} i've been away from the blogs lately {including pablo's} so i hadn't read that pablo had passed. last night i spent a while reviewing the posts that jeff had written about his passing.

i truly believe that *everything* happens for a reason. and that i'm not necessarily privy to what that reason is...the universe is a much bigger force than i am. i did however, find it very difficult to hold on to this belief after i found out that pablo had died. why do children have to suffer? {yes, the quintessential spiritual conundrum...}

his dad's posts, although incredibly sad, were so inspirational and positive...he and his family truly were grateful for the time they had with pablo and accepting of the greater force of the universe. they have established a foundation to help other young children with cancer, called pablove foundation. through their grief, comes strength, love and compassion for others. from pablo, i can learn to remember find joy every minute of every single day. is that the reason for pablo's passing? i don't know and i'm not going to try to figure it out. but rather i'm going to bask in the glow of pablo and pass along the light and love.

rip pablo thrailkill castelaz june 21, 2003- june 27, 2009